Dark Waters
by stoptheangst
Summary: ...then he would scan the room in search of something. Lucas would analyze it all then shut down like a dying cell phone. He had been seeing less and less of him in public and the house calls were becoming more frequent.
1. Chapter 1

A/N

So many of you mentioned that you liked Detour and wished for a continuation. I of course had been working on a story with a similar plot line but with characters in a far darker place than that of Detour.

What I have decided is that I am posting what would be the first chapter of Dark Waters with the intent of determining which fic I should choose to pursue. Thus you will have to review to let me know which story you prefer to continue with. Or if you prefer for me to continue at all.

Granted Detour will be shorter than Dark Waters but then again there are many differences in the way I have chosen to develop the plot as well as the way I have chosen to write the story.

I also my consider posting both fics but which one I give precedence to will be determined by the readers.

With that said please enjoy and know that all reviews are greatly appreciated. 


	2. just another day

Louis Vega swiftly moved up the steps of the co-op his mind quickly reviewing his days work. He was greeted by the buildings doorman with a wary nod and beady brown eyes. His eyes shifted to the cameras and his brow furrowed. If the client that lived in this building wasn't worth the house call then he would never take such a risk. He face darkened as he stepped into the elevator being sure to scan for anything out of place before he hit the button to his desired floor. The gilded elevator doors opened to a darkened mahogany paneled hall. He knocked on the door which was opened by an irritable looking wavy-haired blond with hazel eyes. Her teeth sucked and she moved to slam the door but his hand caught it.

'Hello to you to,' he muttered.

'He's in his office,' she said coldly before returning to her position in his living room.

Her paperwork was scattered about her neatly as she curled back into a sofa to resume her business. Louis stared for a moment licking his lips helplessly jealous of the long legs he knew his customer would be enjoying later on tonight. He made his way to the hand carved French doors and knocked lightly.

'Bitch I said was busy,' the male voice inside snapped. He could here the chair on the other side of the doors scuffing back as if the man on the other side of the door was infuriated.

Louis smirked to himself. He just wanted to see his face when he realized that he wasn't that bitch on the sofa. The door split apart swiftly and the verbal assault on the owner's lips faded. Louis laughed to himself as he sauntered into the office. Lucas Scott's trophy wall was impressive for anyone to admire. Louis had to admit it. He had caught himself a big fish this time. Louis perused several of the golden men that stood proudly amongst other awards and photos. It was always interesting to see what the customers cared about. Usually there were never any memories about but Lucas covered himself in them as if he wanted to remain in his past and not forget it. The others, their eyes were so hollow that they weren't even sure they had a past and probably couldn't remember the cause of the pain they were running from in the first place. However this one kept a documentary of it. Faded family photos and old friends occupied his shelves with several newer photos of him at industry parties and business functions. He occasionally came out to support charities and Louis would observe his distinguished anti-social demeanor. A curt nod, several words that often caused an eruption of dry laughs and then he would scan the room in search of something. Lucas would analyze it all then shut down like a dying cell phone. He had been seeing less and less of him in public and the house calls were more frequent. Louis didn't mind however. Lucas Scott was a brilliant writer and an even better movie director, a beautiful mind all around. His films were legendary and genius. AFI treated him like the fucking hero of the universe. A irritable grunt stirred Louis from his musings. He reached a hand in his pocket to produce the pills.

'They are little stronger than usual. My connect couldn't get the smaller prescription this time,' Louis lied.

Lucas shrugged and tossed him an envelope.

'You know where the door is,' He waved dismissing him.

Any other customer would have been quickly introduced to Louis's fist however this one was an exception. He had the blessing of Brooke Davis who was one of his favorite customers for his cover business. Louis was also into photography and did dozens of fashion shoots for key individuals. Brooke got along with him well her spunky behavior always welcome after a customer wore his patience. He swallowed before relaying his message.

'Actually Brooke wanted me to ask you if you could come to the gala next week,' Louis said uncertainly.

Lucas's head snapped up. The last time Brooke had asked hadn't been pretty, neither had the time before that. Lucas didn't like that Brooke even knew who Louis was. Louis wasn't sure how they met or what they meant to each other. He only assumed they had dated by the way they fiercely protected each other's privacy and asked after one another. Had Louis even bothered to look closely at some of the photos on Lucas's back wall he would have seen pictures of her and a familiar looking blonde staring back at him. Louis shifted uneasily hoping the man would remember he was only the messenger.

'Fine,' he responded despondently.

'Um did you want me to tell her to send clothes over,' Louis asked cautiously.

'Yeah...Tell the other one I'll be ready in ten,' Lucas snapped irritably before shoving two pills down his throat. He chased it down with the nearest alcoholic beverage at the mini-bar. The prescription was far stronger than Lucas was used to and the alcohol magnified it. The room swayed waiting for him to collapse into his chair. He closed his eyes and smiled as the green eyes floated in front of him.

Louis nodded and closed the doors behind him. He paused at the living room never taking his eyes off the sun kissed legs on the coffee table.

'Hey hoe you got ten,' the delight in his voice evident.

Her head snapped up and a mixture of frustration and fear crept over her demeanor. Louis chuckled. He'd always wanted to say that to such a snobby chick.

'He's got you so whipped. Why don't you go home to your husband and tell him to stick it,' Louis snorted,' or at least kick it to me. I can do things to you you only dream of.'

'He'll kill himself if no one is here,' she said quietly.

Louis grew sober. She was right. She shifted her self from the table and quickly began to place her papers away in her bag. She was hot and she had all the right curves in all the right places. To bad she really was married and cheating on her husband. Louis could never trust those types. Those always landed you in jail at the end of the day. If only she knew he would only despise her more for it in the end.

*******************

_'This time let me save you'._

He couldn't remember when he heard her say it and what they were doing. Her voice and tone were serious and that's all he could remember. He wanted her to save him in some aspect. Save him from himself. She was the only one who knew how. The higher he got the more he thought he could figure it out. The landscape to a memory would spring forth in his mind's eye and he'd remember it. But all he got was darkness and the familiar tune to a song he couldn't place. Something about believer's. Lucas sat outside on his balcony taking in the city sounds around him. New York City at night held an inviting darkness for him. Something he had learned to use as comfort in the years he had chosen not to return to his home town of Tree Hill, North Carolina. He lit his cigar as the distant sound of night revelers finally caught his ears. Louis was a resourceful man and the Cuban cigars with the inscribed L.E.S., were a blessing. Lucas paused watching the bright orange glow burn at his initials. It was a ritual of his. Watching the gold foil letters burn was a type of therapy he couldn't explain. His mind was wary as he battled his demons within. A deep inhale mixed with the dwindling effects of the drugs and alcohol was good enough to prolong his high. He could hear her shuffling behind him too afraid to turn on the lights to look for her clothes. He rolled his eyes in deep irritation. Just fucking leave already he thought.

'I'm leaving,' she called softly.

'Don't come back,' he muttered.

He wanted to spit the taste of her out of his mouth. She sickened him as the thought of their actions replayed in his head. That is till she did that thing. His lions took control despite his emotions and he turned to watch his ex-wife. She was sexy as hell in the dirty girl lingerie she seemed to have endless amounts of. He didn't quite understand why she was cheating on her husband. Lucas, however, could never turn her down. She would show up to his place on cue whenever he asked, whenever she needed. Ready and willing to spread at the summons of a text message. He hated her with a depth he had never known he could possess. At least a depth he wouldn't ever admit he possessed. She had stopped turning the lights on long before their marriage ended. It was a the easiest way to remind him that she wasn't _her_. The hazel eyes were watery and the blonde waves tangled as she pulled the shirt over her head in a rush.

'What's the hurry,' he growled huskily at her. He wanted to be inside of her again.

Something warm sent tingles through her body changing the air about her.

'Nothing really,' she said making the fatal mistake of bending over in her lingerie. She could have kicked herself as she tried not to stand up to quickly.

'You know I love it when you bend over like that,' his voice cooed to her. He had soundlessly crept up behind her.

Her face flushed in the darkness as she was pulled by her hips toward the middle of the bed. God what was she doing?

'Don't go just yet,' his hot breathe spiked her heart rate. Of course she still had it bad for him. He was Lucas Scott after all. Loving him was nothing healthy.

A low growl was elicited from her as his teeth bit at her through her shirt fabric. He was yanking at the few garments she had managed to find. His breathing was labored as she inhaled the sweet smell of cigar radiating from him. She gasped as the fingers traveled down her body to immerse themselves inside of her. The squishing sounds filled the air and she could feel his cold blue eyes searching her face. Her soft moans escaped as the fingers were replaced with teeth.

'God Luc stop it,' she moaned.

She tried to squirm away from the delicious feeling in between her legs. No more teeth just fingers now. He wasn't going to stop until he was finished repossessing her.

'Why I thought you liked it,' he regarded her coldly.

She grabbed a sheet trying to pull away. Her knees brushed his erection only encouraging him.

'I thought you liked it when I fucked you,' he was growing upset.

'I'm trying to get a condom,' she panted.

His rhythm slowed to a unbearable tempo as she grabbed a condom from the dresser. He nibbled at her shoulders and her breasts making her tasks far more difficult. She rolled it on careful to rub his body in the right places as she did.

'Damn Lindsey,' he hissed lustfully.

Before she could respond she was on her stomach her legs being spread apart roughly. It was when it was like this that she hated herself for it. He wasn't even trying to feel it. He wasn't the lover she had once known. She was simply now a very good fuck of which he was very unlikely to contract anything from. Lucas thrust himself into the soft flesh grateful that his lingering high could make the experience far more exhilarating than what it was.

'Tell me you like it,' he demanded and his hips smacked into her backside.

'Stop it,' she said refusing to respond. She was no longer turned on and it was becoming a little painful.

'Say you like it Linds,' he warned. He could feel his finger moistening as he flicked at the pulsing nub in between her legs.

'Stop it,' she groaned again the desire riddling her voice. She didn't want him to stop but she didn't like that he knew it. She hated how much he was able to analyze her. If only she could do the same.

The thrusts quickened as her legs curled about his. She was trying not to orgasm but defying Lucas Scott's fingers and body was a fete no woman had mastered. Well there was the one.

'Say you fucking like it.'

'I fucking like it,' she snapped through gritted teeth.

'Your such a bitch,' he muttered completely irritated with her tone. He leaned forward placing both her legs in between his to tighten the feeling. She groaned and squirmed as he let his soaked fingers travel to her mouth.

'I said I fucking like it Lucas' she purred in the tone he preferred. She didn't need any bruises to add to the collection Jon had been creating. Lucas had never hit her but here lately he had come close to it. She began to suck sensually at her juices that coated his fingers. That alone was enough to possibly send him over the edge. Anything to hurry him this time was her priority. His body was suddenly enveloping her. He was allowing himself two minutes of vulnerability tonight. Her heart ached for him to love her but she knew that was a pipe dream long gone.

'You love me right?' he whispered in her ear.

'Of course baby,' she whispered back. He'd never say it back.

He held her tightly both arms encircling her. His chest covered her back completely as if for several moments he actually needed her. She finally gave in to the pleasure, her body vibrating from the attention it received. He groaned savoring the moment however it was followed by a sigh. A sigh she recognized all too well. The sigh that had finally drove her into the possessive arms of her new husband that she barely loved. Lucas's regretful sigh shattered the small bond that had been forged moments ago and seemed to echo as he made his way to the bathroom. She seized the moment scrambling for the thirty seconds she'd have to quickly get the hell out of his home. The light quickly flicked on, identifying the necessary objects she needed. She flicked it off careful not to make a sound as she dressed on her way towards the door. She could straighten up outside he wouldn't follow her that far. Her things were neatly placed by the door awaiting her get away. A few more weeks and she could finally leave this life behind her.


	3. rumors

****** 1 week later **************

'Christ Chris! Seriously after ten years you would think you could get a clue or something.'

'Chris Keller is a relentless bastard for Peyton Sawyer, the last of Charlie's Angels,' Christ joked in an ominous tone as his irritable employer shot him her the infamous glare.

'We never hooked up Chris. That's how tabloid BS gets started,' Haley snapped from behind the glass.

'Can you stop being sleazy so we can finish work? This is the last track to finish before she goes on tour. It would be nice to have the second CD finished before she comes off tour so she can spend some time at home with everyone,' Peyton's voice was far more gentle than several seconds ago.

Chris pouted mockingly, 'All I've ever wanted is just to make-out with you. And with Rachel and I on a break this is perfect. Even Haley's given me that.'

Peyton and Haley laughed at their desperate friend who was obviously going through withdrawals from the absence of his model girlfriend Rachel Gatina. Before entering rehab she had told him to see other people and refused to take visits from him. The poor man was almost six months without physical contact from his ladylove. The fact that she called him late at night didn't help his cause.

Haley paused adjusting her sheet music and then grew quiet. If they finished early today then she could get at least a half hour with Dylan and Jamie before the gala tonight. She missed the boys dearly especially since she was recording her eleventh and twelfth albums back to back. It hadn't been her intention to do so but after reading Lucas's latest novel and watching his last two films she was inspired. It was the only tangible contact any of them had with him. His movies and his novels. Well it didn't have to be but Haley wasn't about to admit that she was the reason for that. They had tried to get Peyton to go talk to him to check up on him but she had her reasons. She cleared her throat gently and Peyton took her seat near the soundboard ready to get the vocals down for the next track.

'Chris if you do it now then I'll sleep with you,' Peyton said suggestively.

Chris eyes bulged and he smiled to himself. She definitely said it with some seriousness and he was more than willing to hold her to the offer. Rachel would understand, she always did.

'Okay diamond girl, you ready?' Peyton's said as Chris quickly joined her behind the glass.

Haley turned and smacked Chris upside the head before nodding to Peyton.

'Hales you shouldn't be jealous. You will always be number one in my book,' he taunted.

Three hours later the friends slumped tiredly on the couch in the studio. The satisfaction of their progress hung in the air as the talk of the latest track tapered off.

'Hales I love how you got this last CD finished in like seriously less than a week,' Peyton said,' I mean this way you can tour, literally have four months of downtime to yourself and then come back and just record ahead of schedule you know.'

Haley smiled sweetly at her close friend. Peyton was the most selfless person she knew. It made her despise Lucas more.

'Well I better get going you know. Take some time out for Jamie and Dylan,' she said rising to her feet.

'Yeah I'll be right along with you in a moment I just got to grab some paperwork for tomorrow. Tell the boys I'm right behind you,' Peyton said as Haley left.

'Hey Hales,' Chris pulled his friend into a hug,' I'm so proud of you. It makes me feel good inside.'

She nodded gripping him in a tight hug before placing a quick peck on his cheek. She smiled with a short wave and headed to the door excited to see her two favorite little boys.

'Well do you need me to walk you home,' Chris asked gently as the door closed.

It was a strange bond they had formed over the years. Peyton hadn't really become very close with any guys outside the ones familiar to her since she and Lucas split. The connection between her and Keller had surprised their friends tremendously. It was as if he was the chosen Lucas Scott substitute and only for the sole reason that they had a sincere platonic relationship. Of course, Peyton had slowly slipped back into the dating pool. However, her choices and outings were as variant and sketchy as a street peddler's stash. Ten years of life without a soul mate sets a high bar for the proceeding contenders. Many eventually give up struggling to obtain faded perfection. Peyton sighed slightly irritated with Chris's abundance of generosity. She simply exited the room hoping Chris would choose not to be persistent today and just leave her alone.

He was a good friend but he didn't read her well. Nobody ever read her that well. He however followed, as most lost puppies do, taking in the every detail of how she nonchalantly gathered her belongings and work stuffs for the journey home.

He quietly handed her the necessary things she would need knowing better than to fill the silence with senseless banter. Five minutes later the elevator opened up into the bustling first floor of the busy record label Peyton owned. There were the perfunctory nods that she received from phony employees seeking a raise. Chris's eyes narrowed at some. They made the usually daily stop at the mailroom to check out the bustling interns. Peyton herself kept on eye out for the young girl that used to be her. She would always be grateful for the honest opportunity she was given and she was eager to find the next version of herself in the bowels of the company. Satisfied with today's observations the two exited into the busy city streets of New York. In true city girl fashion Peyton chose to walk the several blocks to the penthouse suites that her close-knit group of friends all occupied. With the exception of Chris and _him_, the Tree Hill gang had settled into the wealthy condos after successfully and aggressively pursuing their dreams. It was quite fortunate that Nathan and Skills were playing basketball for New York reviving the somewhat defunct team that New Yorkers had once denied to be their own. Now the New York Knicks were a formidable opponent with the additions of an impressive sharp shooter in Skills and an aggressive physical presence of Nathan Scott. Peyton smiled in the comforts that she really did have something of a family waiting for her to come home tonight. That's when she remembered.

'Crap the gala is tonight,' she said smacking her forehead.

'Shit seriously P,' Chris said. Brooke had informed him of the guest that might be attending. His job was to distract her by any means necessary. That's how it had always been.

'Peyton its really late maybe we should just blow it,' Chris suggested.

'No I haven't gone out in a while and I just had my spa day yesterday so there really isn't that much prep tonight,' she said brushing it off.

'You sure because I am pretty sure we can catch an indie flick of something,' Chris said trying to think,' besides I don't think I have any clothes for tonight.'

'Well no one asked you to be my date now did they,' she huffed.

'Yes however keeping the masses guessing keeps me in the press and makes you more money sooo......,' Chris said trying to appeal to her business side.

'I'll go besides, I remember Haley saying last week that Dan would be watching the boys so its not like I can't take advantage of that. That means we really don't have an excuse to play hooky like last time.'

Chris's phone went off. He looked down and made a disgusted face.

'What,' she asked nervously. She would never admit it but she had grown accustomed to having a security blanket like Chris around. Just in case.

'We are having babies again,' he said making a face.

'Nice we aren't even getting laid but I'm preggers. At least I wish the rumors would be creative instead of the same stuff all the time,' Peyton grumbled.

Chris nodded in agreement as he held the door to the building open. So maybe he didn't make the biggest effort. He'd never say it but he always thought Lucas and Peyton should at least talk. He needed her and even if the whole world didn't know it he knew it was only her that could fix him.

An hour later Peyton stood staring at her floor length mirror with the familiar emptiness in her stomach. Assistants and stylists prepped her, brushing at her face and tugging at her hair. It was something that she had grown so accustomed to it barely bothered her anymore. She never thought she would actually take comfort in the attention and for a while she did. However here lately she had felt the shallowness of it all. She had never been one for shallow, she was a deep person and this had nothing to it. Brooke burst through the door her body clad in a Grecian style white gown with the perfect champagne colored accents. She gasped at her stunning P. Sawyer.

'Peyton when I made the dress I knew it would be stunning but wow,' she gasped.

Peyton allowed herself to focus on the crushed silk canary yellow dress she was wearing. It hugged her every curve so gracefully that she virtually blushed at the sight of herself. The green diamond jewelry being pinned to her only brought out her stunning green eyes. The yellow hair pulled in a soft bun with the perfect amount of wasps hanging just so. It was a stark contrast to the darkness Peyton lived in. She would never be happy that was the fate she'd come to accept. Yet Brooke tried to be that ray of hope. She and Haley tried but they knew there was only so much glue that could keep a broken heart together. Jeweled chandelier shoes were being set on her feet as Brooke surveyed her from every angle.

'He is going to die,' Brooke gushed purposely. Normally on nights that Lucas came out of his hiding Brooke would discourage her from going. However she was starting to see less of him and from Louis accounts he wasn't doing well.

'Brooke I told you I wasn't interested in Adam. He's a great musician but he's not for me,' she admonished.

'Honey Adam will be the least of your worries tonight,' Brooke snorted.

'Brooke please I am enjoying not dating right now ok,' Peyton pleaded,' I need a night to relax and be treated pretty and right now you have done a hell of a job for me.'

'Trust me your prince will be waiting there tonight. I have no doubt about it,' she muttered.

Peyton rolled her eyes and ignored the comment, 'Well I have Chris with me and apparently we are expecting our fifth child together so whoever it is will have him to contend with.'

Brooke shrugged nonchalantly. Here goes nothing.

'So how are you and the Chaser,' Peyton asked as a young girl offered her a choice of three handbags.

'Great I hope he just asks me already,' Brooke said impatiently,' I just really can't wait to have all his babies.

'Brooke we are twenty-eight. Babies are hard work,' Peyton said knowingly.

'I know honey. I would just be beyond ecstatic if I could have his though,' Brooke said dreamily.

Peyton sighed contentedly. If it wasn't for the spark of life that was Brooke Davis she would have killed herself long time ago.

***************


	4. Great ExSpectations

***************

Lucas Scott stood outside the museum at which the gala was held and deeply inhaled his cigar. His publicist had had a field day once she determined his attendance to the event. He was suddenly booked for the unnecessary primping and inspecting at the behest of Brooke Davis' stylist. He didn't mind really that Brooke had sent someone over to make sure he was his sharpest. It was his publicist trying to jockey for the right table for him to sit at that unnerved him. In the end he demanded that he sit at Brooke's table. If he was going to be out the least he could do is sit amongst the one set of people he knew he could trust. It didn't matter that the relationships were strained and minimal. It was the closest he would be to her. The closest and the furthest.

The perfunctory greetings were raining in his direction tonight. He hadn't been out in a while and suddenly he felt like a lion in a cage at a zoo. He caught a smug smile from Jon Truman, his ex-wife's new husband. She clung to him looking beautiful and scared. He could tell they'd argued and things had gotten nasty between them but he couldn't muster enough morality to care. He'd be seeing her tonight he thought arrogantly. His mood darkened as a small clump of studio executives accosted him with greetings. If it wasn't for all his 'profound' works they wouldn't even notice him. He talked for a while receiving the accolades with a reserved modesty and a masked boredom. He couldn't remember the last time he was sober when he wrote. They would be talking about him in ten minutes top. That's how these things went.

'Wait is that my brother or a werewolf,' he heard a familiar voice chuckle.

'Hey Nate, how's life?' Lucas said forcing a smile to his lips. He missed Nathan. His brother's basketball schedule reduced the time they spent together. Nathan tried and it counted for something.

'It would be better if you came to see Hales and Jamie more often,' he said gently.

'Yeah I've been meaning to. It's just hard you know. Work and all,' Lucas lied. Sitting around Haley's condescending glare was not a priority for him. The disgust was evident in his face as the thought of being in the same room as Haley disgusted him to no end. Her nose turned up in a judgment only suffered as a reminder of the bitter end of their friendship. Movement caught his eye as he recognized just the person he needed to see for the night.

Nate followed his brother's distracted gaze to a familiar face in the crowd. Lucas eyes seemed to grow quickly and a wild hunger displayed itself freely in them. Eyes locked and a slight nod was exchanged.

'I heard Louis Vega was bad news, bruh,' Nate said studying the new change in his brother.

'Yeah but he's good peoples. It's his company. They aren't exactly favorable,' he said barely looking at Nathan.

'Yeah I feel you. You know your sitting with us tonight,' Nate said searching for a response. His brother was completely oblivious to him or anyone else about him. It was a wonder he was so discreet in his intent.

Lucas only nodded pushing through the swarming masses to meet up with the shrouded figure of Louis Vega. Louis nonchalantly turned his head and started to head in another direction as if Lucas Scott was not approaching him at all.

'Lucas did you hear me,' Nathan called after him, 'You're at our table.'

'Yeah Nate its all good see ya later,' Lucas called over his shoulder pushing through the throngs.

'Luc she's here.'

The words sailed through the air and he may have heard them if he wasn't so focused on the fix he was craving. Nate shook his head and rubbed his forehead. Haley and he had long time ago disagreed with Brooke about keeping them apart. It seemed like the fight had disappeared from her but for him it never did.

'This evening is going to be fabulous,' he grumbled to himself as he turned to search for his wife.

---------------------

Lucas discretely entered the guarded men's room in a more secluded area of the museum. The thing about particular high-end events was that the press was routed and contained in one part of the venue while the actual guests were allowed to freely roam. It was a benefit to the private circles that clung together in the entertainment industry. It meant that sometimes private things were kept private. It meant that the Louis Vegas could have a business and keep their clients without being arrested. Of course, there were rules with these sorts of developments. However those rules didn't apply to the very few Lucas Scotts in the world. Louis Vega wouldn't normally make this transaction with the level of media attention outside however Lucas Scott wouldn't normally be here and thus Louis non-verbally acknowledged that it really was Lucas Scott's world and he just lived in it.

The latch clicked behind him as it occupants discreetly made sure the room was truly private. Lucas rubbed his shroud of a beard waiting anxiously for something decent. He had this sudden craving to escape this world. There was a sudden dread of something to come overtaking him. He tried to focus on what Louis was saying.

'I didn't expect to see you tonight,' Louis was saying.

'Needed a break from reality,' Lucas muttered. Louis was cutting a white substance with surgeon like precision on a small gold plate. Lucas eyes widened. He hadn't quite exactly walked down this road in sometime. She would be angry if she could see him now. She would be hurt and angry. He could see those blessed green eyes completely crushed and watery beneath a furrowed brow that condemned him. He grasped the dirty tightly rolled $100 dollar bill and paused.

_She would be angry wouldn't she_, he thought irritably.

He dove quickly sniffing deeply as if he were the professor and Louis was the student. His blood rushed to his head as he sniffed another then another. He reached in the tuxedo jacket that Brooke had prepared for him to pull out the bills. The euphoria began to pulse through him as the bathroom seemed to develop a fog.

Where the fuck was he anyhow? He stood up slowly catching his image in a mirror. Well there's an honest cliche for you. All he needed was to see someone who he cared deeply about burst into the bathroom and catch him so he could be the latest addition to a celebrity rehab clinic within the week. Vega was talking again something about light and alcohol. Nobody cared….not any more. He barely saw Jamie maybe once a month for about half a day. Haley always regarded him with her sanctified disdain. High road Haley he thought. An idea for a new book came to mind as he stumbled out of the now empty bathroom. He could have sworn there were people in there a moment ago. He walked on the surreal floors made of marble looking fog towards a roar of noise that would not subside.

A camera flashed and while his pupils re-adjusted to the new found light he saw her face, blonde curls bouncing in the sun the summer before senior year. He smiled haphazardly at the thought before steeling himself. Shit he didn't need to get blissed out on her, not now. Shit the last thing he needed was to run around like a damn fool grabbing every blond he saw because she resembled some version of her. Shit not fucking now. For the love of God. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shiznit. shit. He moved through the crowds tormented. A hand would extend and he numbly shook it noting the countless fake smiles floating before him. The room seemed to be filled with curly blonde up-do's as he let out a frustrated blast of breath. Ten minutes away from her that's what he wanted. He did not want to see his favorite set of green eyes right now. His frustration grew as more hands floated to him.

He found himself suddenly involved in quite an empty conversation with a studio exec and an aspiring young screenwriter. He hated the forced pomp and circumstance of the situation. The gasps erupting from the revelation that his tuxedo was a custom Clothes Over Bros creation that no one else had seen for the season. The arrogant condescending tones that took place while the men discussed unresearched political views. A quote from Fitzgerald came to mind. The ability of the masses to purchase a processed pre-digested view only for it to change with as much as ease as that of a doorknob. That quote didn't go like that he thought. It was far more sober he thought wryly. To bad he wasn't.

His mind and his body operated in two different realities. Something innate in him responded to the questions asked and the banter exchanged. The other conjured up an apparition that he immediately exchanged for his current reality. It wooed him as it approached its hair finally falling into the perfect golden spirals he'd come to worship in his sleep. Rosy lips parted as it reached out to capture him and seduce him into his nether realm. It really didn't matter doesn't count for a second that the young man in front of him was so excited to meet him. He responded to whatever the man asked and his response seemed to prolific as the man continued in probably the best pre-determined pontification in the human race. His specter however held his attention far more than this man could. He could feel her soft skin as it brushed against his neck as light as air. His guests seemed oblivious to her presence but he could feel her and the hairs on his neck stood on edge. It doesn't matter what type of words are rolling off his tongue at the moment because she was snugly attached to his arm to lighten his mood and ward off the dark recesses that coursed through his soul.

The insignificance was far more profound because in actuality she wasn't in the room just a ghost of her which haunted him every second of every day. Sadly he knew this but he didn't care. That was the entire point of spike his heart rate up beyond normal. It was a wonder the stuff he was on didn't cause him to overdose on his heart medication. He had to stay his hand from wrapping around her non-existent form as he had dreamt at night he would. He would've walked away, however, behind the duo a woman that was a dead twin of Peyton stood. It paralyzed him to his spot as he tried to focus on the woman. In an instant his phantom escaped him and he realized how far he'd lapsed into his hallucination in a public setting He flushed naturally embarrassed despite the fact that the young man and his colleague took no notice. His line of sight was quickly blotted out as Jon stopped to have a dramatic conversation. Lindsey clung to him smiling but every so often glancing in his direction. If he was sober he assumed he would be jealous but he just didn't care.

The young man shook his hand profusely again and Lucas had to grind his teeth together not to tell this man…no warn this man that it wouldn't mean anything if you didn't bring **her** with you. He opened his mouth to say it. To warn the young soul of the disastrous perils of a love lost. Warn him that an arrogant pride was the door to his own destruction. It was to be birthed from his tongue however a young woman joined the young man's side and the gentle brush of their noses silenced him. He turned abruptly in search for a bar.

_Damn lovebirds _he thought._ Who brings a girlfriend to these things? What part of sleep your way to the top did the kid not get? As if things could get any worse _he thought to himself.

The bartender, a familiar face he couldn't quite place, automatically offered him a gin and tonic without waiting for him to place an order. Louis must have said something to the man. He turned to scan the room noticing his brother and his wife talking to a statuesque Brooke Davis and still very baby-faced Chase Adams. He couldn't even recall the last time he saw Brooke. He moved to meet them but each step he took produced an assault of memories of another life. Peyton and him playing basketball during the summer by the River Court. Peyton's slender legs wrapping about his body. Peyton's nose nuzzling his right cheek before they drifted off to a sleep. Why did she have to say no that night. Why couldn't she have said 'Yes, but....'. He would have given her that, after all he was always giving in to her. He would have given her 'Yes, but.....'.

They would probably have a child by now. Someone Jamie could play with. The memories became a flood washing away the beaches of his existence leaving him to float on the tablet his stony heart resided on. He paused distraught that things had turned out so poorly. The back of the chair in front of him was telling him he was too late. It was talking to him with the same arrogant grin that Jon Truman had plastered on his face telling him the people in the corner didn't want to see him anymore. He was going to fuck that chair up if it didn't shut its antique trap.

Nathan watched a different version of his brother approach. The shrouded face underneath the barely kept beard was distant with glossy eyes that searched frantically around him for something. Lucas face seemed to darken as he was accosted by peers and various work relations. Brooke bubbled on excitedly with Haley about the gorgeous outfits she was designing for Haley's tour. Nathan turned back to look for Lucas who seemed ready to fight the chair that blocked his path. He saw the face struggle to contain its composure muttering unintelligibly before finding him. The smile was even more hollow than the one outside. Lucas Scott had left the building despite his very physical presence that he radiated. It was only a matter of moments now.

'Aww you're here. How are you Broody?,' Brooke asked her eyes full of excitement.

He only nodded with a reserved feeling of comfort as Haley examined him before engaging in a phony hug. Lucas pulled away from her disgusted with her persistence in the matter. They used to be best friends so why had she turned her back on him. How did him not wanting to talk about Peyton ever warrant this? She looked at Nathan confused completely unaware of his current state of mind or lack there of. Chase nodded to him quickly taking note of the distressed hair and the glossy eyes. Then he chuckled to himself thinking his eyes must be glossy too. Premium open bars and Louis Vega can do that to a fellow. Thankfully Brooke was blissfully unaware of that.

The group seated themselves and Lucas found himself relaxing to the raspy bubbling of Brooke Davis's voice. His heart rate seemed to slow as well as his breaths evened out. He felt pressure building in his nose as if he were to sneeze but instead his nose began the annoying itch that indicated he was coming down with something. Nathan tried to pull him into a conversation that he was desperately trying to comprehend but his persistent sniffling seemed to break his train of thought. He wiped his nose disgusted that he was suddenly coming down with a runny nose. He did notice the two empty chairs beside him as other guests began to seat themselves. He noticed them but he refused to talk to them. They and their cousin had been very rude to him with their rants and taunts. Besides for a group of people to sit in such a visible part of the room those chairs would need to be filled and thus their taunts smothered. His heart skipped a beat suddenly uneasy with the idea that he may actually just have to see her. He laughed at the thought, Brooke always made sure he never saw her. She thought he didn't know but he was well aware.

'Well, well, well. Who knew they would start on time,' A familiar voice rung in Lucas's ears.

He turned incredulously to take note of Chris Keller who had simply slid into the seat nearest Brooke.

'Wow Chris Keller. That's a twist,' he said.

Chris's head snapped towards him in surprise. He barely recognized the man next to him.

'Hey man wow if I had known it was you then I would've sat there,' he said in an awkward rush.

'Chris I'm not that type of guy,' Lucas answered stoically causing nathan to chuckle.

'No but we could discuss exactly how you killed your barber and possibly where you buried your razor.'

A nervous chuckle rippled through the old friends trying to dispel the heavy tension.

'Or not,' Lucas muttered turning back to Nathan.

He caught the panic stricken face of Haley and the now very solemn face of Nathan. He frowned back at Chris who fidgeted nervously his eyes examining the seat between him and Lucas. Brooke dimples seemed to deepen, while the other three pair of guests at their table soaked in every word. Who the hell were those people anyway? Where was Rachel?

'Gees Brooke why do we always have to sit so visibly at these things. What's wrong with dark corners?'

Lucas breath caught in his throat all bodily functions freezing in place. His phantoms never spoke so clearly before. Shit that was not her voice his heart exclaimed to his brain. It was the drugs nothing more nothing less he thought trying not to panic. Her perfume assaulted his nostrils bringing him back to life. He refused to move his head as Chris sprung from his seat and offered it to Peyton.

'Chris don't be weird,' she said tapping the one next to Lucas.

Chris obediently pulled the seat out and Lucas turned his head to watch her as a lock of hair hid her face, and thus his presence. For a moment she sat smoothing her dress before she turned to smile in his direction. The smile faded as her beautiful green eyes drank in the sight of him. He gazed deeply into her eyes suddenly very grateful for the beard and the drugs. She couldn't read him if she wanted too. She would never be able to see how much he was hurting he thought comfortingly.

'Hey Peyton,' he offered quietly.

-------

A/N: I am so very appreciative of the reviews and hope I earn more. I understand the plot may be a little complicated but I can't remember seeing Lucas in the particular situation I have put him in. I had a little difficulty writing this chapter because I wanted to give the audience a little bit more perspective as to how far from grace Lucas has fallen. As the story progresses we'll learn the shocking way Lucas fell into drugs, why he and Haley are at odds and of course what's up with him and Peyton.


	5. Dandy

'Hey Peyton,' he offered quietly.

'Hey,' she breathed back, 'long time huh.'

He nodded his stomach now sick with the knowledge. Ten years exactly next week he thought. He forced himself to focus from the cloud he floated on. His eyes greedily drank in the gorgeous pale yellow dress and supple skin that emerged from it. Brooke smiled wolfishly in their direction and he was suddenly very aware that his cufflinks were a dead match to her jewelry. Brooke chortled in her glass of champagne as the blondes shot her brooding glares before shrinking into themselves in their own respective manners. Peyton's brows furrowed before she sank into the protective arm of Chris. Lucas seemed to diminish into his chair his eyes suddenly dark and cold. The strangers across the table shuffled nervously before introducing themselves. He jealously eyed Chris Keller's arm around the back of her chair as she leaned forward to listen to everyone around her. As if on cue the hand removed itself immediately. The strange guests that Lucas did not care to meet shifted under the intense tension that was gladly broken as the evening's host took their place at the podium.

'So Lucas when is your next project coming out,' Chase said trying to break the silence.

'Soon. I'll be finishing a book next week sometime then shooting a movie right after the holidays,' he grumbled.

Nathan looked pained at his older brother's response however he silently was happy for the meddling that Brooke Davis had managed tonight. Lucas never really took his eyes off Peyton during the whole event. He was far bolder than the young small town boy he had been in his teenage years. He had the entire Victoria Secret model squad to thank for that. Best damn birthday a twenty-four-year-old could have he thought fondly. The whole world was going to know he loved Peyton Sawyer and he wasn't letting it go. Peyton seemed to be struggling under his gaze. Her hands splayed restlessly over her flatware as she engaged in a subtle murmuring war with Chris. Finally he saw her shoulders sag somewhat as Haley's less than subtle eyebrows fought with hers over something.

'So how have you been,' she asked quietly despite the droning of the speaker.

_Fucking dandy_ he thought. His defused state of mind betrayed his purpose as he focused on her.

'I do what I do,' he replied a little too coldly.

She fidgeted with her napkin continuously smoothing it in her lap. He wanted to grab her hand and hold it closely. He wanted to feel the glorious flood of electricity that he knew he would taste if he touched her. However he remained stone cold near her.

'So what brings you out tonight,' she asked in her same quiet voice.

'Charity, Brooke, free food and drinks,' he said sourly.

Haley watched on before rolling her eyes before offering a pseudo-olive branch.

'My album release party is this weekend. You know your always on the guest list,' she said.

'Uh yeah I'm not sure Hales, Nate has an away game so I don't know,' Lucas muttered.

Nathan stared at his brother incredulous but proud. It was Lucas's way of saying there was no reason for him to go if he wasn't really wanted there. It was a bold move for someone who was clearly miserable without any contact from them.

'Um well Brooke and Peyton are going,' she spoke offended.

He could feel the intensity of Peyton's brooding demeanor shift somehow. He studied the gorgeous woman next to him before nodding in agreement.

'We'll see,' he answered her.

The evening waned and Peyton couldn't help but notice Lucas was pretty much non-existent in the conversation. She knew he had a problem, of course she did. However it seemed to eerily remind her of her own encounter with drugs. She cast a worried glance to Nathan and Lucas's direction as Brooke and Chris managed to keep the table interested. He was barely focused on the conversation his pupils completely out of focus as he listened to the conversation.

The dinner now complete, the speakers now the spoken, Lucas was finally grateful as the scenery shifted. Chairs shuffled back and driven cars were called. He found himself alone behind Peyton who was suddenly swamped in press. He took the opportunity to touch the small of her back. The delicious tremors transferred between them as he managed to politely shove his way through the haze of bulbs and reporters. Reporters began to shout his name creating a frenzy neither where quite used to. He wondered what type of mayhem would ensue if they knew their history. _Best not to find out tonight_ he thought as he continued through the crush of lights and microphones. He found Peyton's hand slipped into his and in that moment his body elated to a new high no drug would ever achieve. It had been almost ten years since he had even touched her and now she willing placed a hand in his. She leaned toward him instinctively taken aback at the furor his presence created. Once in the clear she removed it apologizing quickly for her subconscious gesture. He nodded with a small loving smile before grabbing it again and for a moment she saw her old Lucas fighting his way to the surface.

As if the universe was suddenly very unhappy with him Jon Truman stepped on to the path before him.

'So not only are you out tonight but I see you have a date. Did you finally decide calling my house in the middle of the night was hurting your pride,' he sneered.

_You mean the house I bought for Lindsey _he thought as he looked at the man.

Peyton looked bewildered by the animosity of the man blocking their path. Her head was still swimming from the media frenzy Lucas had caused and then this strange man was addressing him for having a date? Everyone had dates. It took her a moment before she realized that the stranger was still addressing her former flame. There was obviously a frightful tension between them. The woman standing next to him hung her head a little remorsefully as if she had caused the whole scenario. Peyton's head swiveled between the cold blue eyes of her ex and the steel grey one's of his adversary.

'And to top it off she even looks like your ex. Wow, I mean who would have thought you would fall this low Lucas,' Jon scoffed ending his twisted peroration.

'Actually Lindsey looks like Peyton,' Lucas spoke coldly enough for both women to jump somewhat.

The woman's eyes snapped up locking with Peyton's and suddenly Peyton's anger and frustration of the situation got the better of her. She needed to be home and the arrogant man in front of her was trying to prevent that. She didn't care if Lucas had dated some woman that favored her. She didn't care that this woman's insignificant other's ego was damaged. She could hear Brooke's voice nearing despite the rushing blood in her head but she refused to wait.

'Peyton Sawyer, Red Bedroom Records,' she said icily extending her hand.

'Jon Truman , Truman, Solder and Associates and of course husband of Mr. Scotts ex-wife,' the man responded smugly.

'Wow what an upgrade,' Brooke mocked only adding fuel to Truman's purpose.

'Um we should be going. The limo is here,' Lindsey spoke up her face contorting in apology.

Lucas stood silently unmoved by the harassment Jon was trying to inflict. Truman's words barely registered anyhow. All he knew was that Peyton Sawyer had yet to let go of his hand and whatever drug he had snorted allowed him to savor her every touch in a heightened state. If they were at a less classy affair he would have made off to the nearest back hallway to seduce her. Peyton groaned inwardly at the pettiness of the entire situation. Lucas was walking in cloud of drama she didn't want to be involved with. However she knew that now they had oddly reconnected she was somehow forever bound to him.

'So Miss Sawyer what do you do at Red Bedroom Records. I hear the competition for a position there is intense. Nothing shady I hope,' Jon's tone leered and condescended simultaneously.

Peyton's eyebrows shot up as Lucas's grip tensed next to her. She could see his jaw tighten as he bit back an angry response. Instead the woman standing next to Jon spoke up.

'Honey she owns it and I really don't think you are being appropriate right now,' Lindsey responded gently.

Jon's face blanched somewhat, his plans for humiliating Lucas Scott in front of the press ruined. He had been trying to get the press and media to attack him but to no avail. He was their king Midas and the very thought of that sickened him.

Peyton smiled icily trying to keep her anger in check. Twenty minutes with Lucas Scott and she was up to her ears in relationship drama. Not that their own could use some sort of resolution, however that was not a one-night thing. Brooke turned to observe the man and then rolled her eyes in disgust. The arrogant ones always did wear too much Prada.

'Lucas you coming with us,' Nate said joining the group,' Oh hey Lindsey how are you?'

'Leaving,' Jon cut the conversation short. Lindsey followed demurely quickly stealing a glance at the party. There was a want in her eyes as she tore her gaze from Lucas that made Peyton question the purpose of the unnecessary conversation all together. Realizing exactly what it was she saw in her eyes she smoothly released his hand. She had no right to play morally correct but damn him if she be humiliated by a spiteful pig tonight.

Lucas turned to apologize but only found himself staring at her retreating backside.

'Peyton wait I'm....,' he called.

He was interrupted by an,' Hey Sawyer you owe me a make out session.'

Christ stood waiting his hand outstretched to her with a sly grin on his face. She paused before turning to study Lucas the hurt and pain openly displayed.

'Its too late for your sorrys, Lucas Scott,' she whispered coldly.

'Peyton,' he more demanded than asked,' we need to talk.'

There was an accusation in his voice that froze her in place. His temper was by now legendary and she knew that no matter what he would always see her as something that belonged to him until they had the proper closure. She nodded not turning around. Chris waved her over with his hand.

'My people will call your people,' she said quietly.

Nate's hand on his shoulder stayed the impending outburst as she quickly retreated toward Chris Keller. Chris turned to glance at him but instead of the expected taunt he received a compassionate wordless sorry. He watched her load herself into the waiting limo only to lock eyes with him once before Chris followed behind her.

'Broody I seriously can't believe you still mess with her and she's married. You so are going to have to spill,' Brooke demanded in a far gentler tone than he would have expected. She was trying to be friendly trying to distract him from the gnawing feeling that would become an ache as soon as the air around him

'There isn't much to tell, she isn't _her_,' he explained simply before following Nathan to a waiting vehicle. Brooke's lips pressed into a line suddenly feeling very guilty for craftily keeping Lucas and Peyton apart.

'We only did as she asked,' Haley said as they followed several feet behind him,' It was Peyton or Lucas and Lucas pushed everyone away once he found out he didn't have Peyton.'

'I know, Hales, I know. Just seeing him like this make me wonder if we should have listened,' Brooke murmured folding herself neatly into the waiting limo.

Chris and Peyton found themselves in the hall outside her condo in a heated lip-lock, their tongues clicking together in a comfortable silence. Peyton had immediately hit the mini-bar in the limo, the champagne now a distant memory. A fog had descended over her body and she let her frustration seek a sexual outlet. Chris's body tingled as her tongue rolled about in his mouth. He had to stop this little outburst of affection from her. He knew she was under the influence of alcohol and frustration with a certain man. He withdrew eyeing her sensuously while she fingered her lips still tasting him in her mouth.

'So it's getting kind of late,' he murmured playing with his bow tie.

'Chris,' she whined sweetly,' are you blowing me off.'

'Yeah. Peyton it's not like you want this,' he said his realistic side taking over.

'Um I want it right now. I'm not worried about the morning,' she said a slight slur in her voice.

'It's not about me and you and you know it. If you hadn't run into Lucas tonight then you would have taken your sweet ass inside by now,' he said gently, 'You can't avoid him forever. You guys have to talk eventually.'

'Chris I just found out this very night that he promised to love and cherish someone else,' Peyton whimpered, 'that was supposed to be me and he couldn't even wait a year like I asked.'

'Is that all this is really about or are you forgetting something else between you two,' Chris said looking at her squarely in the eye.

'It's hard. There has been too much time wasted for us to do something great. For us to be extraordinary together,' Peyton said looking down at her feet.

'Do you really believe that Peyton? Do you really believe that love can't rebirth itself and come back twice as strong. I know the moment Rachel comes out of rehab I am going to make her fall back in love with me twice as hard,' Chris challenged her suddenly upset that she was using him.

Peyton's walls quickly rose as Chris spoke. Of course, he was right as usual. He was, after all, quite an endearing friend and in love with her dear friend Rachel. The betrayal she was suggesting was quite unbelievable in actuality. She began to pace the length of the small foyer. He watched warily waiting for the flood of emotions to break those walls she was so comfortable behind.

'I got to go. I'm going to Josie's,' she said suddenly.

'C'mon Peyton alcohol isn't going to fix you two,' Chris said gently as she grabbed her shoes and purse that she had carelessly discarded on the floor.

'Yeah well let's test that theory,' she snapped.

A/N: I apologize profusely for my lack of inconsistent updates. Truth is it is becoming increasingly difficult to stay attached to Tree Hill with all the recent developments and rumors continuing to surround the production of the show. With that being said I hope I can fall back into a more systematic rhythm of editing/updating/writing installments of the story....hopefully I'll be able to install more than one chapter this week.


	6. Josie's

Lucas stared out the window of the limousine into the busy city streets of New York. He couldn't help but let his heart tingle somewhat with the thought that she had willing grasped his hand for comfort. After ten years finding security and safety in his presence was still a second nature for her. The city nightlife passed by him disfigured, its time out of joint with his reality. Whatever drug it was he snorted he was glad that it dulled his mind of his hearts anguish.

Brooke and Haley gushed over the impending perfunctory after party that they were all headed to. Haley had changed the most in his opinion. She used to be his friend but then one morning she was more condescending than usual. Suddenly her unsolicited visits stopped and he slowly began to see less and less of his nephew. In the end it was for the better as his 'well-known' flirtation with illegal substances was something that was commonly whispered about but rarely advertised in the media. Chase agreed amusedly with nothing but love for Brooke riddled in his eyes. He shared the same look as the young writer he had met earlier. Lucas face contorted unbeknownst to him in anguish. He wanted to feel that way again but he had let her go. If there was only something that could stick them together. One thing that could bind them closely. He'd give anything for that.

'Where's your head at Luc,' his brother asked worriedly.

'I'm good Nate. It's nothing serious,' Lucas responded.

'So when are you guys having your little showdown,' Nathan asked with a smirk on his face.

'She told me to have my people contact her people,' Lucas spat bitterly.

The car came to a stop in the heavy New York City night traffic. A bar loomed across from him. Josie's. It looked comfortable and inviting. Like he could be himself in there and people wouldn't care who he was.

'Well technically speaking we are her people so I could just set something up,' Nathan started.

'Wait how often do you see her,' Lucas snapped at him furiously.

Nathan was supposed to have a demanding basketball schedule he should have no time to see Peyton. In his mind the only person who should see Peyton more often than not was Brooke. He eyed him as if he were deeply betrayed knowing his reaction was a direct result of his unbalanced chemically altered state. He couldn't tell why he decided to take his frustrations out on Nathan but by now Nate was used to it. The dramatic mood swings were nothing new for the younger Scott. It just confirmed that Lucas was back to using heavy drugs like he was in the beginning. The car had groan silent as his hostile reaction transfixed its occupants.

'Um everyday Lucas,' Brooke said gently, joining the conversation,' Her offices are right next to mine and well...we all sort of live together.'

'How do you sort of live together,' Lucas asked using air quotes. He had seen Brooke countless times throughout the years and she had never mentioned this. His furious gaze swung towards her now trying to delve the secrets they all seemed to be guarding.

'Kind of like live in the same building. Maybe you'd know that if you would actually come around instead of sitting around all day licking your wounds,' Haley snapped exasperated.

'Oh so basically I was supposed to hang around you guys like some love sick puppy until she showed up one day,' Lucas barked.

'Well you never did understand the meaning of someday now did you,' Haley snapped back.

'Now wait guys....,' Nathan said trying to calm his wife down.

Lucas didn't wait for him to finish choosing instead to jump out of the car before it could move. Josie's loomed in front of him like a hidden enigma before he chose to move from in front of oncoming traffic to head for the bar. The drugs effects paled in comparison to the high he felt when Peyton was around. He chose to play a dangerous game and the only thing that could magnify its effects was several feet away from him. He couldn't deal with Haley's forceful reminders of why he wasn't good enough for Peyton. He waited on the sidewalk knowing his brother would soon follow.

'I can't believe you're back to using again you said you quit,' Nathan hissed.

'Its hard to kick habits you don't want to let go of. Besides it's nothing the doctor isn't already prescribing,' Lucas said plainly.

'They aren't supposed to be prescribing you anything you know that. You need to get better. That's the only way she is going to take you back. Why do you think she hasn't even bothered to stop by. She knows Lucas. She always has known.'

Lucas let his nostrils flare as he turned on his heel seeking the necessary fix.

'Lucas we are too old for this. You can't just shut down. You got to talk to her,' he said following him into the familiar bar.

'Shit Nate not now,' he said over his shoulder,' a scotch neat and two shots of tequila.'

'God can't you think of anything to live for and who the hell was that ass that Lindsey was married to. Fuck if I didn't have a career I would have flattened him myself. Did honestly think it was necessary to start a fight with you in public.'

'Like I could give a shit. It's not like she won't be over tonight,' Lucas said clearing his shots,' Bartender another round. Keep 'em comin'."

Nathan tried to close his mouth. His brother was starting to behave like their father had. He knew if he pointed that out to Lucas it would only further alienate him and that wasn't what he wanted. The bartender poured and Nathan asked for bottled water. Lucas eyed him over his tequila shot.

'I got a game tommorrow,' he said.

'Oh true. You guys are blowing backs out on the floor,' he said as another round refilled itself. The slang lingo made Nathan cringe as he considered his brother's digressive state.

'So how's the genius ahead of his time. Are you hanging in there or are you just ready to burn the whole thing down,' Nate said. He didn't care what time he had to be in bed tonight. It was clear he had neglected Lucas and he wasn't doing well again. He made a silent commitment to spend more time with his brother.

'I get by. How's being a power couple,' he said using the air quotes again.

'I wish Hales spent more time with Jamie and Dy... and Jamie does too,' Nate ended nervously despite his smooth save.

Lucas studied him for a moment his back to the bar. He wondered who else Haley should be spending time with before he realized that he was going to say another person's name. Did they really think that hiding their other child from him was necessary? He wasn't that far gone down the line. He could stop the drugs any time. He had control that's all they needed to know. He blamed the secrecy on Haley knowing Nathan would never consider lying to him about that. Haley had turned into such a bitch.

'Anything new with Haley's career,' he fished,' I mean I saw a new music video and you were in it. It seemed decent.'

'You obviously didn't watch the whole thing man,' Nathan said with a smirk on his face.

'Why what was there to miss beside another one of those cheesy rain kisses you guys do. I didn't realize how cliché you could be with her,' Lucas chortled as he tried to focus on the sports highlights playing nearby.

'A shower scene where Hales and Peyton kiss,' Nathan says swigging his water and looking at the door in amazement. Of all the bars in all the worlds he thought wryly.

Lucas choked on his shot and turned to order a beer. He didn't face Nathan for fear that his excitement would show. He had never, up until this point, ever considered Haley James as anything more than a friend. An estranged friend but nevertheless his sister-in-law. Now the idea of her and Peyton swallowing each other under a hot stream of water danced in his mind's eye. The Lord was smiling upon him for some reason tonight.

'I'm going to pretend you aren't fantasizing with me sitting right next to you and give you a heads up,' Nate's voice barely reached his ears. Lucas was too busy trying to remember the smell of Peyton. Like sweet hazelnut with a hint of something else. He closed his eyes inhaling the scent deeply.

'Hi Nate I thought you had a ....Oh figures,' the voice transitioned from cheery to icy immediately.

God I'm gonna need therapy for real this time he thought before turning to face her. She was probably far more radiant in her floor length canary yellow dress than he could remember. Then again he was far less stoned than he was two hours ago.

'Peyton,' he said the name leaving his lips breathily.

She reached past him and slung the remainder of his two shots down quickly.

'I'll be seein' ya,' she said with a hint of sarcasm.

'Hey where you headed,' he demanded a slight slur already clinging to his tongue.

'Somewhere you're not,' she answered with a phony smile.

'What's with the attitude I'm trying to talk to you,' Lucas said in a tone that reminded her of the favor he was so obviously doing. She turned sharply but he caught her arms in a surprisingly gentle but firm grasp.

'Why don't you ask Jon Truman and your ex-wife that,' she spat.

She knew she had no right to ask it of him. To demand he answer it of her. She knew she had no right and yet it was only her who would ever have the right to ask. She drew to her full height, lifted her chin and headed for the door being sure not shove him away in the process.

'Peyton wait,' Lucas said quite dejectedly.

'Way to run after her,' Nathan commented. He was sick of all their bitter moping he witnessed them doing. The least they could do was come to a resolution.

Lucas looked at his brother who only returned his glare with an expectant look. He dug deeply in pockets for cash to pay his tab before lumbering after her. Truthfully his high had worn off to a level he wasn't quite satisfied with and he was minimally buzzed. His grip tightened around a doorknob that swung wildly into the city street. He looked up then down then up again to see her gathering her dress about her to cross the street.

'C'mon Peyton you act like it was planned,' he thundered loudly as she crossed. Passers by looked on trying to ignore his celebrated status.

She stumbled a little his voice catching her off guard. He hadn't run after her in quite a while and she simply wasn't ready to face him now. His heartbeat grew louder in his ears as he dodged traffic to meet her.

'Peyton can you please stop,' he shouted causing more passersby to stop and watch them.

'Was it Lucas I mean we run the same circles know the same people. It was rather a convenient situation for you tonight. You're never at any function I am at and now the one where your ex-wife and husband happen to frequent here you are using me as some prop,' she snapped when he was in ear shot. She turned swiftly to continue her sojourn to her home.

" Is that what you think... Fuck I'm not going to explain myself, Peyton. Why don't you go back to Chris. I'm sure Rachel would love to know that while she's in fucking rehab,'' he snapped back viciously.

"He's twice the man you are so that's not such a bad idea and for the record my personal life is not your business,' She scoffed over her shoulder. She refused to break a stride as the strange mixture of cigars and alcohol caught her nostrils.

'Have a nice life Lucas,' she hissed barely glancing at him.

He raked his hands through his hair. Her walking away seemed so surreal considering he had only been wishing to be with her not an hour ago. The thought was a futile hope this morning and now she was widening the gap one bejeweled sandal at a time.

'Peyton can you just fucking wait,' Lucas called after her, 'We need to be able to talk to each other. We were always able to talk to each other.'

She stopped in her tracks. He was completely right. She was throwing a tantrum and those were his trademarks not hers. Hers were of patience and grace, steadfast and undeniable. She listened as his footsteps cautiously neared her. He stood to face her lifting her chin slowly. They stood in a trance they beheld for an untold amount of time. Neither wavering both too scared to discuss the strong feelings they had buried deep in the far recesses of their hearts.

'I can't believe you're back to using,' she snapped finally focusing on her current point of frustration.

'I can't help it,' he huffed dejectedly,' it makes everything bearable.'

'Yes you can Lucas Eugene Scott and you know it,' she retaliated, 'How could you give up on life so easily when you have achieved all you've ever asked for and more.'

'This isn't the life I dreamed it to be,' Lucas sighed heavily. He was so tired of fighting and the more she spoke the deeper he fell for her all over again. That young boy he had once been stirred within his soul and for once he felt that his honesty would not be belittled.

She grasped his head in her hands trying to understand him. He was clearly living in a constant state of depression.

'What could you possibly ever want for?' she asked completely puzzled.

'You.'

A/N: So this is the second installment of the day. Yes that's right two updates one day(Someone gave me a coffee). I guess I am trying to make up for long wait. There is plenty more drama in my head to be written out hopefully I will continue to update and contribute effectively to this story. If you are still confused please try to be patient because ten years of angst is about to cause a dramatic outburst that with change their lives in the chapters to come.

A/N 2: Disclaimer I cannot spell. Why? Because I am not an Enlgish major. Yes that's right I did not follow my heart down the Path of English Righteousness paved with shrines to Austen and Miller and Huxley. No I did not worship at the church of Shakespeare. Nope I majored in math and economics. That's right I wrote in symbols and graphs for five years in college. At one point I forgot what prose was suppose to look like. LOL! wish me luck on my WSJ interview! Enjoy.


	7. Pergatory

A/N: So I gotta little 'M'ish as I tend to do. Please show your appreciation (or lack thereof) in form of a review.

----------------

'You.'

He used a tone that clearly pointed out something so obvious he was confused she didn't know. It was as if he was convinced she had kept herself from him purposely and was punishing him for something he did wrong. It bothered her the way he looked at her as if she were to blame for his problems.

'Lucas what do you expect me to say to that,' she said recoiling quickly as if he burned her somehow.

'Well ideally your supposed to bat your eyelashes with tears of joy, squeal and jump into my arms. Then we go back to my place, have earth shattering sex and make blond babies,' he deadpanned.

Anger overcame her features as she realized how quickly he was moving to take advantage of her one moment of weakness. How could she possibly believe that this man that stood before her was the same man she fell in love with so many years ago.

"Or I could say you're an ass if you think I am just going to forget everything you put me through and waltz into the night with you. No Humphrey I am not walking into the fog with you. I mean you didn't even deny doing drugs and what's going on between you and your ex-wife. I am not stupid Lucas I can see the control you have over her in her eyes...,' she exploded.

'Well its not like it matters. It is not like you were ever going to come back to me anyways,' he snapped back voraciously.

His aggressive passionate outburst silenced her. He'd never taken that tone with her and it stunned her he did it so willingly. He looked at her painfully before walking away, only to turn on his heel back to her. He studied the green eyes that had haunted him for ten years now set in a crestfallen face. It was a memory he would never forget and they both knew it.

'What happened to you Lucas,' she whispered hoarsely.

He sighed heavily before closing the gap he had initially created. With a swift determination he locked her lips with his and took it all in. A decade of angst and separation and want now temporarily satiated as she melted in his hands. He pulled himself away as quickly as he stepped forward losing himself in her glossy green eyes.

"Life happened Peyt," he whispered.

He turned to leave her as tears slipped down her face. _Oh God no, not here_ she thought frantically. She turned quickly wiping her tears, her body visibly shaking. _What the hell just happened_ she thought as wave after wave of emotion swept her away.

He ducked into the nearest subway station never turning back hoping that he was only imagining her quiet sobs. He hastily texted _her_ as he went, his hurt springing up as he moved to the platform. He needed her tonight. He knew he couldn't take it much longer. He reached in his pocket and shoved two pills down his throat. Twenty minutes later he was stumbling up a flight of subway stairs toward his home. Vega needed a tip next time. His heart quickened and the taste of her soft lips returned, that smooth texture of her body melting in his callous grip. God what did he have to do. The latch to the house blurred as he fumbled for his keys dropping them twice. Lindsey walked up behind him gently picking them up and opening the lock, unfazed by the site in front of her. The room swayed and he barely let the door close before he had her pinned between himself and the wall. She barely responded causing him to step back.

'Sorry did I hurt you,' he asked softly as his mouth launched an attack on her skin.

She shook her head quickly and Lucas immediately picked up in his heightened state something was off.

'What's wrong,' he asked his voice riddled with concern.

'We just fought a little that's all,' Lindsey replied.

'Did he hurt you again,' he asked drawing to his full height.

'No he didn't,' she said hanging her head a little. Why couldn't she just've learned to deal with the loveless marriage she and Lucas had shared versus the abusive relationship she had traded him for? Lucas only hurt her when they shared a bed and that was far less painful then meeting someone's fist every other night.

'Lindsey don't fucking lie to me,' he snapped banging his hand on the wall near her head, 'are you hurt? I am not going to put up with that too much more.'

She jumped fearfully. She knew exactly what he was hinting at.

'No he didn't I swear,' she snapped.

He began to open his mouth up to argue with her but she quickly kissed him.

'Just leave it alone,' she said her tone softer now.

She pulled a strap of her dress off her shoulder offering him his other drug, her body. Lucas greedily licked his lips thankful that the high blurred his vision allowing him to pretend that it was Peyton instead. His fingers swiftly unzipped the dress and she stepped out in one of his most favorite pieces of lingerie. She had done a poorer job than usual hiding her latest bruise from her husband tonight. He fingered it gently her body cringing in the freshness of it all.

'Just make me forget it,' she asked quietly.

'I will,' he whispered coldly, 'Just shut up and I will.'

His lips sucked hers in lightly but he tore them away because they didn't taste the same way. If it wasn't for her outfit the mood would've been ruined. The reason why he loved her outfit so much was because it required no removal. He loosened his tie as he quickly sank to his knees taking advantage of her in his front hallway.

'Lucas,' she groaned completely turned on by their location.

Tonight it felt better than it had in months because they both knew they were getting the best of the ass of a husband she had. Her knees buckled as Lucas's head swiveled about her epi-center, his teeth slowly teasing her lips. He allowed himself to tumble backwards suddenly all too excited about her on top of him. His body strained unnaturally in his tux as his pelvis rocked involuntarily. She was an amazing turn-on when he operated in a state of barely high and frustrated. She used one hand to hold herself up and the other to cradle his head as her body uncontrollably rode his mouth. He sucked hard losing himself in the act. They hadn't done this in a while and he forgot how much he enjoyed the way she reacted. She screamed and cursed as her body began to shake his lips drinking in her juices that had exploded on his face. She was begging for him to stop but he smiled to himself allowing his teeth to sink roughly in her body. She shoved his head deeper in between her legs riding out a whole new wave that followed. He finally pulled himself from underneath her a little too serious for her liking but she didn't care. She was going to enjoy herself tonight whether he wanted to or not.

'Ready for round 2,' she whispered gently kissing his face as she eased off of him.

'Only if its in a chair,' he said flashing her a rare genuine smile.

She stood and walked away tossing a dead sexy gaze over her shoulder. He smirked and stood stripping himself of his tux before he followed her.

***************************

Peyton wearily climbed the steps to her home she shared with her two best friends Brooke and Rachel. She entered laboriously and somewhat dazed. Dan Scott sat up from his comfortable position on the couch with a brief smile. His once cold blue eyes were now gentle and tired as the late hour rolled in.

'Oh you're the first one back,' he smiled sweetly at her.

'Yeah,' she said nodding gratefully,' How were the boys? Any trouble?'

'Well Jamie was fine and all, you know the usual,' Dan said rolling his eyes at the obnoxious energy the ten-year-old possessed.

'Yeah,' she snickered,' What about Dylan?'

'He missed you as usual. But he's asleep in the room with Jamie. You wouldn't believe the great photo I got.'

Dan reached over to the nightstand for his digital camera. He pulled up the photo of the sleeping boys. Jamie was sitting up his head back mouth wide open and his arm was draped over Dylan's shoulder. Dylan was snuggled deeply into his cousin's arm in a picturesque moment. Dan stared down proudly at his accomplishments. He had redeemed himself to everyone but Lucas. Lucas refused to acknowledge his existence. In a way it had been a last resort of hers. If Dan couldn't tell him the truth about Dylan than she wasn't sure how she would ever.

'If I were to die tonight, I could die happy,' he murmured softly.

'Dan Scott you can't die you're a cockroach. Your going to live forever,' Peyton teased her son's grandfather.

They shared a chuckle considering some of the many adversities the man had faced over the years. To say karma was a bitch for Dan Scott was an understatement. The man had faced trial and tribulation time and again however instead of losing his family he somehow only gained much more support. He'd been attacked be lawsuits and illnesses that caused even the concern of Karen and Deb by their extremity and sudden descent. Yet he had fought and triumphed with a humble confidence that Peyton had come to respect. Even to Nathan's surprise, Deb and his estranged father had rekindled something reminiscent of Nathan's childhood days.

Truth was if Haley and Nathan hadn't taken a chance on Dan, Peyton would have never done the same. It was all a part of the adjustment process Peyton had to make in revealing Dylan's existence.

Initially, after her abrupt split from Lucas, only Brooke knew that Peyton was pregnant. Of course, Peyton had tried to tell Lucas but the circumstances surrounding their split were far too delicate for her to gain enough courage to tell him in person. She instead resorted to sending the message via third party but it constantly failed her. In the years that followed Haley and Peyton regained contact. Haley being the faithful friend she was demanded Peyton tell him the truth. However once Haley learned of Lucas's impending wedding and drug usage she let the argument slide. Nathan had taken to trying to tell him but the very mention of Peyton's name sent Lucas into such a rage that all efforts were dropped. In the end it was agreed that he would find out when the drug abuse would stop and that everyone including Dan would help Peyton with the boy. Karen, Lucas' mom was not pleased with the troupe's decisions however she learned via her own efforts that barely discussing Peyton to Lucas was a far more daunting task then trying to be agreeable with Dan.

Needless to say Dylan had no lack of attention from his extended family and rarely asked of his father's existence. He knew his father was a man of some importance however his world didn't facilitate a current need for him. More over it truly didn't matter to the young boy. So many of his friends didn't live with their fathers and those who did didn't live with their mother's. Dylan considered himself a lucky boy to gain so much of his mother's attentions despite her demanding career. The fact that his aunts doted on him as did his uncles and his grandfathers only made him feel luckier. In truth Jamie saw as much of Nathan as did Dylan. Nathan despite his demanding career in the NBA had taken to Dylan as a second son and somehow had managed to make both boys feel as if he were their father. Dan's enthusiasm combined with Larry's special packages from strange lands only helped remind the boys that they were indeed special compared to their peers.

Peyton smiled sadly at the successful bubble she had created for her son as she climbed the steps of the spacious penthouse. She opened the door to his room to see that they had shifted apart and Jamie was some how hogging the blankets. She grabbed a throw to cover her boy and he stirred a little murmuring basketball facts.

She smiled ruefully kissing his forehead and then padded off to her own bed.

Chris lay snoring deeply on one side his tux still on. Another tired smile graced her lips, her thoughts returning to her encounter with Lucas. His lips had been the perfect ending to her busy day and she knew in that moment that she dwelled in a bare existence without it. She groaned deeply changing into her pajamas. She was going to have to tell him very soon the truth about why she had been avoiding him all these years.

God help them all when she did.

---------------

Lucas sat up in bed. Lindsey had gone to sleep and her legs were now wrapped about him. He sat looking at her in disgust that she had chosen to stay the night. His high now completely worn off she was an awful reminder of his night and his single kiss with Peyton. He wanted that at night, not this. Lindsey was well aware of the effect the other woman had on him. He was practically despondent the entire night after the episode in the hallway. It was something about the way her blond hair tossed in the air and he realized it wasn't bouncing but just flinging limply in the air. He barely responded after she'd asked to stay and she was smart enough not to assume that meant in his arms. His guilty conscious got the better of him hence the position he had awakened to. He would wake her in an hour so that she could make her way from his home without catching notice from the press. A discreet car service would come to take her to her home and what happened to her there was of little consequence to him at this point in time. It wasn't like he had forced her to leave in the first place.

His mind began to create a mental checklist. He would as Peyton requested take time to make a lunch meeting with her. He on said occasion would be sure to be just coming off of a high so as to seem somewhat sober. Then once he was sure there was some glimmer of hope then maybe he would take control of his situation. Or not. Who was he kidding she wasn't coming back. No one comes back after a decade. They would have awkward coffee, reminisce then she would casually pull out a photo of her child and talk about her husband whom he never knew existed and that would be that.

He sighed heavily suddenly craving a much needed cigar. Her sidelong glances and polite conversation were as graceful as the soft curly locks that swayed from her shoulders. He however had lost the sixth sense to read her. The defenses were heavily armed and she somehow had managed to hide her soul from him. It was the grip of her hand that jolted him and sent shivers throughout his being. His bitter cold heart had rustled as the slender fingers gripped his. Cameras were snapping in their familiar frenzy and for ten seconds he got to enjoy her leaning into him for safety again. He could wait a lifetime for that to happen again.

It was still there he felt it and she felt it. He could care less who she was with and how long. Peyton Sawyer was his and he wanted her. He'd do whatever it took to get her back.

His phone rang interrupting his thoughts. _Whoever it is better be dying_ he thought bitterly as he reached to answer it. The phone's light illuminated the darkness he was comforting himself in. He saw his brother's name and almost ignored it until it occurred to him that Nate kept in contact with her.

'Nate you better be dying,' Lucas answered irritably.

'No I'm not but Dan is. Get to the hospital even though I know you don't want to,' Nathan commanded. Haley's voice sounded in the background anxious and distraught. Something muffled that had _her_ name in it. It was a long shot but hell he needed to check if Dan was actually dead anyway. Then maybe he could gain some peace in his tormented mind.

'Which one,' he asked reluctantly.

A/N 2:

Lalez: Your last review made my day and bolstered my ego although I should be ashamed that I can speak English but I can barely spell it. Funny thing is I read spanish and understand it very well don't ask me why I can't speak it without destroying it. Let's not comment on how pathetic that is.

RJMoon: Poirot you are so close. My story is blushing under your intense stare...lol.

Caitolz: I write exquisitely because your reviews are delectable.

Other reviewers: I am so grateful that you took the time to make comments...thank you so much and enjoy. And tell your friends...so they can tell their friends...and we can be friends. WOW! I just quoted Puffy.


	8. An Asside

*************************

Lucas walked into the hospital his feet propelling him forward despite his mind telling him to go back home. He had in his haste forgotten to take any 'medication' with him and now was more aware of his surroundings then he felt the need to be. Lindsey had asked to stay so that when he came home she was available. He initially said no hating the fact that she knew he would need her body when he came back. He was easily persuaded however, as her mouth appealed to his manhood. He hated that she acted like this with him. She traded his presence for her body and he accepted it. Truthfully the sex was amazing with her. Especially considering with the right drug and alcohol cocktail he could close his eyes and imagine it was Peyton instead of Lindsey. It made sense really he thought to himself. He was only going to call her after he left the hospital anyway. It was approximately 4:30 am when he finally left his home to take the twenty-minute cab ride to the hospital. He stood outside going over every reason why he should simply get back in the cab and go home but he couldn't shake the feeling he should be there. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was on the brink of a new chapter in his life.

Nate was pacing the length of the private ER waiting room he was ushered into. Haley held Jamie tightly to her as the boy sniffled in his sleep. He had gotten large but somehow had managed to curl into her and look like a baby. How old was he now twelve thirteen? The age eluded him as he looked around for a set of blonde curls. Instead his eye found Deb, who on the other hand, was probably the most surprising of the occupants with her face completely void of emotion. He moved to take a seat across from them causing Haley to stir from her deep mental vacation.

'Oh Lucas I didn't think you would show,' Haley said her voice faltering.

It was probably the most gentle and neutral tone she had addressed him with in years. Something was amiss he could sense it.

'I just wanted to make sure he was actually dead this time,' Lucas mumbled. He recalled several occasions when he received frantic phone calls and the man had lived to tell about it.

'Jamie and his grandfather are extremely close,' Haley whispered coldly, 'The least you can do is act like you care for his sake.'

He could feel the tension rise and a twang of guilt clouded his face. Then he remembered Keith's face. Keith's crooked smile and the way he looked at his mother as if there was no one else in the room.

'Sorry but I'm not going to. Forgive me for not missing the man who killed my father,' Lucas retorted bitterly.

Jamie stirred in his mother's arms. Uncle Lucas didn't know he was awake but his bitterness toward Grandpa Dan scared and angered him immediately. His grasp about his mother's shoulder's tightened and he shut his eyes tighter trying to pretend he was trapped in a nightmare.

'Whatever I can't wait till Peyton gets here,' she muttered vehemently.

He swallowed thickly.

'What did you say?' Silence.

'Why would Peyton be coming to see Dan on his death bed,' Lucas's voice was eerily calm.

Haley shifted nervously before biting her lip. Her eyes reverted to the doors behind Lucas knowing the impending arrival of her friend was going to bring either an end or a new level to the strife between them.

'Hales what the fuck,' he snapped causing Jamie to jump in her arms.

'Lucas Scott you had better watch your mouth around my son. We are barely friends let alone family so don't you even dare. You should have more respect for Dan. He is your real father after all,' she growled clutching Jamie tightly.

'Well whose fault is that Mrs. Superstar Extra-ordinaire?' he said leaning forward now to get a good look at her face.

'Says Hollywood's most famous and promising film director,' she touted the tribute like a curse over him.

'Are you guys serious,' Nathan bellowed,' Dan could seriously be dying and you guys are fighting over what again?'

Before Lucas could answer, the waiting room doors burst open and in walked Peyton in complete ignorance of his presence. Jamie's sniffles sounded from his mother's shoulder as Peyton crossed the room to where Nathan was pacing. She was standing her back to him the mid thigh trench coat wrapped snugly around her waist. He could smell the heavy scented shower soap that she had lathered over her skin. Was she really standing in front of him in her pajamas smelling like pure ecstasy? He was only an arms length from her. Her mile long tan legs had a hint of red to them from the unusually brisk May weather. The door swung open again revealing Chris Keller holding another sleeping young boy. Lucas's heart immediately sank to far depths leaving the Titanic miles above it. Of course she and Keller had something serious. It didn't make too much sense however she was very private about her personal life in interviews. She had after all chose Chris tonight in front of all the world to see. A muffled sob escaped the boy in Chris's arms mirroring Lucas's current feelings. Peyton was asking Nathan exactly what was going on.

Chris sat next to Haley before connecting his eyes with Lucas. Oh this was going to be hell. No one had expected Lucas to show up and this was going to be torturous. His blue eyes grew increasing uncomfortable as he shifted trying to look at everything but Lucas. Of all the five times he decided to be chivalrous he found himself in this fine mess. Rachel was going to enjoy this.

The man across from his looked like a lion waiting to pounce on his prey. Dylan shifted a little in his arms. He had barely fallen asleep again when they got to the hospital and now this. Chris tried to come up with a strategy that didn't involve any sudden movements.

'You and Peyt's?,' Lucas mumbled the question bitterly.

'No,' Chris answered. It was never said that they would lie, it was just agreed that they would be…vague.

Relief washed over Lucas but a thought scurried through his head. Why were they here with the boy? What did this have anything to do with Peyton. His creative mind painted a dramatic scenario that only exacerbated his temper.

'Your's then,' Lucas asked eyeing him warily.

'No man listen I'm tired, it's late and this one is a light sleeper so if you don't mind,' Chris whispered hoping he would drop the subject.

The little boy shifted somewhat and Chris leaned back in his chair trying to get comfortable. Lucas stared at Peyton's backside oblivious to the conversation she was having with Nathan. He knew she had someone but would she really be with Dan? She couldn't have anyone. She couldn't be with him. No that most definitely was someone else's child it had to be. She was supposed to wait. Wait like you did huh his other self asked him. His anger flared. Damn Dan die already and put us all out of this misery. Why was she here?

Peyton looked back to a slouched Chris Keller and her son. Her breath caught as she looked at Lucas who was staring at her sullenly. Haley mouthed a sorry and then shrugged. Jamie just stared at the wall behind his mother's back his face etched in misery. Chris shifted uncomfortably next to Haley.

'Chris you really don't have to stay,' she said gently. She sat next to him extending her hands to her son. She could feel Lucas's eyes boring a hole into the outstretched hands.

'Yeah well your running around in those cute little shorts of yours with a son is not exactly the safest thing in the world,' Chris said,' Besides Rachel would have killed me if I wasn't here. I am after all her portal to the outside world.'

'Yes because Rachel cares indefinitely about things that have nothing ti do with her life. Chris go home, its late. We don't know how long the emergency surgery will take,' Haley said quietly. She could feel Lucas' jealously concerning the shorts comment. His possessiveness angered her because she found it unjust. Wasn't it he who had pushed her away? Wasn't it he who demanded that she never bring up the blonde's name again. She didn't want to see Chris become the latest punching bag for Lucas's anger management issues. Especially since he was in no position to deserve Peyton's affections.

'So what's wrong with Gramps,' Chris asked Peyton as he transferred a barely sleep Dylan to her.

'He got hit by a car on his way back home,' she whispered sadly clutching her boy to him.

Lucas leaned forward looking at Peyton intensely. Why would she care if he got hit or not. She knew how he felt about Dan. She was supposed to be on his side not Dan's. That was the problem with the lot of them. They were never on his side always choosing the wrong side. His head began to pound as his thoughts jumbled to and fro through his mind. All rational thought was jumbled via party lines drawn from a fight he lost long ago.

'You want coffee or anything,' Chris asked,' I'm going to the mud truck.'

'Thanks Chris,' she whispered gratefully. Lucas took note that he didn't ask how she took her coffee. As if he knew how she took it. Chocolate soy milk with three sugars and no whip cream.

'I'll go with you. You want anything,' Haley asked gently shifting Jamie to Nathan.

Nathan shook his head no and all eyes turned to Lucas. He nodded a yes knowing that Haley would remember and then turned his gaze back to Peyton.

'Dude for what its worth. I hope gramps is ok,' Chris said patting Jamie on the shoulder. He could tell the eldest of the next Scott generation was upset at the turn of events in his life.

'Uncle Lucas doesn't,' Jamie said quietly,' Uncle Lucas doesn't care if me or Dylan lose Grandpa. He said so.'

Chris eyes widened and he stood quickly looking to exit. There was a little too much drama in the room right now then he was built for and he suddenly was very uncomfortable. Peyton's eyebrows narrowed at the utterance from Jamie's mouth. Lucas would say something ridiculous like that but not to a child. Not the Lucas she remembered. She busied herself with the boy in her lap smoothing his blonde curls down. She could tell Dylan was barely asleep and if Lucas didn't keep his voice down she'd be making introductions sooner than she expected. She refused to meet his gaze as his the sound of his breaths filled her ears.

A small Asian woman with raven black hair entered the suite several moments after Haley and Chris left. Her hospital scrubs were covered in blood her mouth guard about her chin. Her defeated expression was enough for Lucas to readily claim his triumph however for appearances sake he tried to remain morose.

'Mr. Scott,' she said quietly,' We did everything we could but there were too many complications to consider. Um his heart failure only progressed during the surgery and there was simply to much internal bleeding around the vital organs, We were...unsuccessful.'

Peyton mouth contorted in horror her words echoing in her head from earlier in the evening. Just when she had grown comfortable with the man associating with her child he had left as people always do. Abruptly and often without the proper goodbye. She did a double take as she stared down at the confused baby blues eyes that looked up at her. Dylan was in fact not asleep and had sat up expecting only the best of news. Her son was far from stupid and she knew he was very much capable of comprehending what the doctor said. The woman patted Nathan on the back and nodded toward Lucas before retreating through the doors she entered. Jamie looked up at his father, the tears streaming down his eyes. Nathan stared down at his son speechless. How exactly was he supposed to tell his son one of his very best friends was no longer alive? Peyton and he exchanged a shocked glance realizing their parenting skills were being tested.

'Mumma,' Dylan asked his brooding face mirroring his father's, 'What does she mean? When can we go see Grandpa?'

Lucas stared stunned at him. There was no way. This was impossible. He found himself now sitting next to Peyton not quite sure if she came to sit near him or if he came to sit near her. How could this boy be his and why hadn't she told him?

'Um baby,' she started weakly, 'You know how Mumma and your aunties and your uncles tell you that even though you look both ways in a street some people can still get hit by cars.'

Dylan's tears began to spill profusively as she tried to continue. Jamie looked at his father demanding an explanation.

'But people live from that don't they daddy,' Jamie nearly shouted angrily.

'Yeah mumma don't pe..people live from that,' Dylan sputtered in anguish.

Most fathers would do anything for their sons. If it was in their power to give it was given freely. If it was something as small as a smile over dinner or as large as an unreasonably expensive vacation just to see a football game that would only last for about an hour and a half then it was done. All to see that innocent smile and that untainted joy. It was a non-verbal agreement between Nathan and Lucas Scott to be those fathers. Yet Lucas nonetheless had come to a simple conclusion over the years. He could only be that father if the mother of those children was the woman that sat to his left. From the moment Dylan sat upright in Peyton's lap he hadn't moved. Of course he wanted Dan dead for what he did to his Uncle Keith, his real father. Dan was his biological father but Keith was the one who had been there for him like a real father. As fate would have it, Keith ended up dying just days after he had asked his mother to marry him and Lucas for permission to adopt him as his own. Lucas on that self same day had saved the life of the woman that sat on his left. It was a trade he'd make a thousand times again because he loved her hopelessly. Dan used a tragic school shooting as an opportunity to kill the brother he was so desperately jealous of and Lucas wanted him dead. Dead for the abandoned and lonely childhood he had battled miserably, even throughout high school, but not at the price he was paying now. Not at the cost of muffled cries from a young boy experiencing his first loss and the angry sobs from a boy who was in denial that his grandfather was officially gone. The strangest mix of emotions battled within him. Remorse and self-loathing deftly laying siege to the strongholds of hate and anger he had built in memorial of his father. There was no reason why he should hate himself or feel guilty. Dan Scott had killed the man that had really been a true father to him, Keith Scott. He was dead now, fate and karma having claimed the debt Dan owed. So why wasn't he jubilated and relieved. Why did he feel like he was sinking further into despair?

Peyton was rocking her son humming a familiar tune. The boy was trying to stop crying trying to hold in the sobs as water fell from his crushed blue eyes. Jamie however was virtually screaming into his father's chest. It was clear both boys were completely unprepared for such a sudden tragedy.

'Mu...mum....mummma,' the little boy that was so obviously his son cried.

'Baby I'm so sorry,' she whispered into his ears.

Lucas wanted to run for the exit and ignore everything but he was too paralyzed with fear and something else. He stared at the soft lines that defined her face as her green eyes flooded with several tears she was trying to retain. Most of him wanted to reach out and hug her and kiss her and comfort their son. They had a son together. The other part was wondering why she hadn't been hit by that car instead. For the love of God how could they have a son together? And the worst part was that he felt like he had become Dan as Haley had predicted he would so long ago.

It seemed as if hours past before the boys' sniffles had quieted and the night's loss had finally caught up with the adults. Dylan lay prostrate on his mother's shoulder, with a fist full of blond curls clutched dearly to him. Jamie on the other hand had retreated to his grandmother unnoticed while Haley held Nathan in a soothing matter. Chris Keller lay curled in two seats murmuring to himself in his sleep.

'Peyton,' Lucas finally mustered in a low whisper.

She gave him a pained not-now-Luke look. He let his temper grow as she turned her attentions from him to the boy in her arms. The little boy finally turned his gaze toward him to study him.

'You want breakfast Dyl?' she prodded gently.

He shook his head sullenly his gaze unhindered by the question. Dylan had seen a man that looked like him once. It was a photo his mother kept in her wallet. The man sitting next to him reminded him of the guy in the photo. She smiled warmly down at him and even Lucas' temper diminished somewhat.

'I want grandpa,' he murmured,' I need him to do stuff with me...show me things.'

He was dazed barely looking at his mom. His crisp watery blue eyes studied his father.

'I know baby I miss him too but he can't come back right now. I know you miss him very much but I can't fix this one,' she sighed gently,' Mumma can't make it better this time.'

'I know,' he said quietly, 'C-can Aunt Brooke and Un-uncle Chase c-come?'

Every soft word they spoke caused his heart to break further. The boy was trying hard to be a grown up and not cry but the anguish was evident in his face. Peyton and he were close. Possibly closer than Lucas and his mom had been. His mother had tried to tell him. He suddenly recalled every detail of the last argument he had with her. She stood in his kitchen and had demanded to know why he was acting like his father. He grew indignant that she could ever make the comparison. She had ended it quietly warning him that it would catch up to him just like it caught up to Dan. It had unnerved him that not only his brother and his best friend were accusing him of such a crime but now his mother too. He cringed in memory of the vile explosion of an argument that he erupted afterwards. It wasn't his simply his propensity to run that he had inherited but his ability to live in the bitterness of past mistakes. And maybe that had nothing to do with knowing he had a child and more to do with his unfounded break-up with Peyton. He knew now that he was probably the last to know. For a small moment he was grateful that he wasn't high. Now they couldn't say he didn't try. God he needed a cigar. Jamie shifted around in Deb's lap staring angrily in Lucas' direction.

'I want you to go,' he growled staring directly at Lucas.

'Don't talk to me like that,' Lucas snapped.

'You said you wanted him dead earlier. You got what you wanted. You have to go,' Jamie demanded.

Nathan looked down at his son confused at whether he should intervene. In truth Dan was a horrible father to Lucas and Nathan, however that changed when Jamie came into the picture. Dylan brought out an even softer, doting part of him. To force the boys to deal with Lucas in his current state was just cruel but then again Dylan was finally meeting his father. That was something they had all wanted for a while, even Peyton. However without Lucas's habit abating there was no idea of what they could possibly encounter. Jamie's anger was justified so Nathan sat back and did nothing. Lucas and he glared at each other in disgust. Did Jamie hate him too now? Would Dylan hate him ecause Jamie did?

'C-c-can Aun-aunt Haley and Unc-uncle Nate and Jamie come,' the boy in question plead as he released a shuttering sigh from his body.

'Uh huh,' Peyton said gently combing through his loose curls

'Is he gonna come,' the little boy pointed at Lucas suddenly very upset. Lucas turned his head realizing his son probably did hate him and he didn't even know his full name. Lucas couldn't help but lean forward a little. He had said it just like his mother would have when she was trying to come up with a reason not to commit to something. He had to fix this, it was becoming too much to deal with.

'I don't know,' Peyton said quietly,' Do you want your dad to come?'

The soft revelation silenced the room revealing a hushed atmosphere. No one dared to break. Dylan turned in her lap to fully survey Lucas. Lucas on the other end watched the boy's every move intensely. The boy's eyes searched him looking for all his flaws before looking down at his hands.

'I guess so,' Dylan said quietly.

Lucas exhaled and instantly kicked himself for doing so. Why should he wait with baited breath for this kid's approval? The two of them should be hoping he'd want anything to do with them. He was Lucas Scott who were they by lying manipulators. Lucas was brought out of his thoughts as a loud thud followed by nervous giggles sounded through the room. Chris apparently had rolled out of his feeble position and onto the floor. Haley and Nate were trying not to laugh but the boys were openly laughing at their uncle. Peyton on the other hand was gently kicking him in the side only causing a further ruckus. Lucas stared on sullenly suddenly realizing how much of an outsider he was to this family that played before him. It wasn't lost on him that Peyton hadn't really asked him to go to breakfast but rather that she assumed he would immediately follow. Lucas let his jaw set as he realized that she could probably read him so much better than he was able to read her. Was hw really that vapid in her presence?

'You ready to go champ?' she asked Dylan as Chris stood and shook himself.

Dylan nodded suddenly overcome with a seriousness that reminded Lucas of himself. With a matured solemnity Dylan stood and grasped his mother's hand then his Uncle's hand before turning to watch Lucas again. Peyton frowned somewhat before leading the way out of the waiting room. So maybe casually telling Lucas the child was his in a side conversation while consoling said child over the loss of his grandfather was a ridiculous cop out on her part. Then again she could see that notorious temper swinging wildly via his facial expressions. She wondered if anything short of death, drugs and more drugs were the only restraints of the temper. Lucas had changed drastically. He would have said something by now. Anything. His silence unnerved her.

'Mom call Aunt Brooke,' Dylan said looking up at her.

She nodded and dug around her pockets for her cell phone before Chris shoved his hand in his pocket to hand it to her.

'I grabbed it before we left along with your wallet,' he explained.

She smiled graciously but it faltered underneath the weight of Lucas's jealousy. She didn't have to look at him to know that his face was flushed with anger that Chris Keller was in her home after he had kissed her. She tried to focus on her phone calls.

They piled into a yellow minivan cab with shockingly enough room for everyone. Naley, Deb, and Jamie on the backseat with Peyton Chris and Dylan on the second and Lucas in the front. Lucas was trying to concentrate on how to approach her. He wanted to yell and scream and curse her for the wrong she had committed. However in his heart he was too satisfied to know that he had somehow found a way to hold on to Peyton Sawyer for the rest of his life. That revelation was too pleasing to him and as much as he wanted to rip her apart for keeping the boy away he simply couldn't. So he sat and listened to the conversation behind him.

'Mom he looks different from that photo Grandpa showed me,' the boy whispered a little louder than he intended.

'People change baby. Do you want chocolate pancakes,' Peyton whispered back trying to keep her voice down.

'No I want waffles mom,' he answered frustrated,' he seems different than the photo.'

'Honey I haven't spoken to your father in a very long time. I don't know what's wrong with him,' she lied. Lucas chuckled to himself. Peyton had always been good at avoiding a topic as if were the plague.

'Yes you do,' the boy accused her rather loudly, 'I hate when you act like I won't find out.'

'Watch you tone buddy,' Peyton's voice warned him.

Somewhere inside him Lucas allowed some of his stress and anxiety to soften. He wasn't a complete stranger to the boy. It wasn't as if she had completely shrouded his existence but then again Dan was responsible for his knowledge not her. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about that. They pulled up to the Ritz Carlton solemnly filing out of the car. Brooke and Chase were waiting for them as they sat in a discretely seated table away from prying eyes.

It truly was a curious site to watch. Not many people knew that Lucas and Nathan Scott were brothers and his association with them was surely turning heads. On the contrary, Chris Keller was taking interest in another mystery blonde while he waited for his girlfriend to finish rehab. Another onlooker may not have been able to peel their eyes away from the fact that Dylan and Lucas looked exactly alike and the boy was obviously clutching to his mother Peyton Sawyer. Another occupant may have simply wondered why half of their party had on evening wear whilst the other half pajamas. However way one viewed it, Page Six would surely be reporting a curious tale in the morning. Brooke did her best to keep the boys entertained but Lucas's growing restlessness in the situation was growing with Peyton's calm silence remained unnerving. The tension became virtually unbearable as breakfast orders were placed.

Lucas fought deeply with his emotions as was his custom in the past several years. He shouldn't feel this way. He shouldn't feel remorse and regret, he was supposed to be elated and he wasn't. His happiness spoiled by the object of his obsession. He was livid that the boy knew Dan, that he cried for him. His head began to swirl as his emotions battled within. He needed a hit of whatever that was that Vega had on him earlier tonight if he was going to maintain control. His eyes rested on the way the sun highlighted those perfect golden curls and a calm washed over him. He cleared his throat nervously and he finally spoke up.

'Peyton we need...,' his phone cut him off.

'What,' he answered harshly causing the table to jitter with his forceful tone.

'Jon's here at the apartment. He hasn't gone away for the past hour,' Lindsey whispered into the phone.

Lucas looked at his watch. Most of the tenants were either at work or out running errands for the day. That meant that no one would bother to call the police which meant he would actually have to tend to her.

'Stay put I'm coming,' he snapped. Deep down within him he still felt the need to protect and save people even though he could barely save himself. It was his feeble attempt at the nobility he once championed and strove for. His friends and family looked at him a little perplexed. He didn't owe them anything. They had all lied to him about his son. The same son that had spent a good half hour ignoring him.

'I have to go,' he stated irritably, standing to his feet.

'Don't you want to stay,' Dylan said quietly, alarmed at his abrupt departure.

'Listen kid I'll be back trust me,' the comment was a more of a warning directed at his mother.

'That's what all those deadbeats on Lifetime say,' Dylan accused him.

A freight train of guilt slammed into him making him second guess his need to abruptly depart. It was in that guilt that he allowed himself to lose his temper unleashing his fury on the one person who was the least culpable for the predicament.

'Did you just call me a deadbeat because to be honest I didn't know your sniveling ass existed until about three hours ago,' he growled.

Dylan's eye widened in horror. His crisp blue eyes contorted from pure shock to a familiar rage Lucas often saw in his own mirror. His heart skipped a beat realizing that this child was not going to cower like he wanted him to.

'The least you could do is ACT like you want to be my dad. It's not like my grandpa JUST died and you didn't tell everyone you WISHED he was dead,' Dylan snapped ferociously,' I'm glad I don't know you. You're mean. I hope you go away and don't come back.'

Lucas leaned over the table to face the boy who spoke so boldly to him. It stung and he still didn't wasn't sure of his proper name. He had his mother and his father's temper but there was a boldness about him that reminded Lucas too much of Dan Scott.

'Just remember you said that not me. So me leaving has nothing to do with the fact that I don't want to be here,' he spat before turning on his heel to leave the private dining room.

'It has everything to do with it,' Dylan exploded his Scott temper getting the best of him.

A fist slammed the table causing the two to jump. They had been so caught up in their argument that they had become oblivious to their loved ones that sat around them shocked and confused. Peyton's face was flushed with rage. She eyed them coldly before she spoke.

'Dylan Keith Scott, you will not talk to you father in that tone ever again,' she hissed in a chilling tone that froze Lucas's skin. His heart sagged and burned simultaneously. She had named him after Keith and given him his last name to bear.

'Yes ma'am,' Dylan said sullenly.

'And if you ever talk to your son like that again,' Peyton said turning to Lucas,' So help me God, Luc. I have no problem going to jail over it.'

Lucas swallowed thickly as did Dylan. They both glared at one another before Dylan crossed his arms over his chest determined to hold a grudge. Lucas looked at Peyton whose head was swiveling between him and Dylan. His hazy reality now only a memory allowed him the pleasure of reading Peyton Sawyer. She was more shocked than anything. There was glint of laughter in her eyes but there was no ignoring the flushed look of anger and disgust on her face.

'I'll be in touch,' he said coldly.

Both hers and the little one's eyebrows narrowed together before her hand dismissed him with a short flick of the wrist. He glowered before his brother stood to walk him to the door. People were watching the whole scene despite the secluded location of their table.

'I'll talk to her again man,' Nathan said quietly.

'Nate how come you didn't say anything,' Lucas hissed.

'How could I man? Look at you. Your popping pills worse than Deb did and you've got a terrible temper. Not too mention we tried to tell you before you got married to Lindsey and we couldn't even say her name around you.'

Lucas only nodded knowing his brother wasn't lying about his behavior. How was he supposed to be good example to this kid when he was quite sure Keith was turning in his grave for all the crap he'd done. Lucas stepped into the brisk September air to hail a cab. He wanted to kick himself for loosing it like that with her around. However his son's temper was quiet impressive he thought with a sad smirk. It was probably the worst thing he could of said to the little boy and a part of him didn't care. He sunk into the cab his misery and guilt taunting him as he traveled back downtown towards his home. He had no pills, no flask and his heart was aching worse then he could ever remember. She had every right to hide that baby from him. He was worthless at this point and he didn't blame her for moving on with Chris.

A/N: Was it really that silly of an issue that caused Lucas to alienate his friends and family or is there something else.....Stay tuned to find out.


	9. Home

The cab stopped with a light jerk. His doorman rushed to greet him.

'Mr. Scott the police are on their way,' he said anxiously.

'Did he ever say what he wanted,' Lucas asked rubbing his temples. It was too early for drama with Jon Truman.

' No but your guest is too fearful to take the service entrance out of the home. She rang for me to call the police but she didn't want to exit,' he said worriedly.

Lucas sighed. He had no idea Lindsey's husband even knew where he lived and that bothered him to some extent. Truth was the man was abusing her and he felt bad about it. If he could have been more content and less cold toward her she would have been able to bear living with him and then she wouldn't be abused. He sighed and paused to lean over the reception desk in the lobby. The security cameras gave the raw objective view of what was going on. He decided it was best to stay downstairs before creating a scene. Truman's fist were pounding the door and he was waiving his hands wildly shouting something. His face was irate his nose flared out and his tuxedo loosened and worn. He apparently had been drinking considering the dramatic flares and the wild looking eyes.

The police rushed in behind him. Two took to the stairs the other two took the elevators. The fifth stayed with him.

'Mr. Scott we will have the situation under control in no time,' he said with unnecessary official-ality in his voice.

Lucas rolled his eyes. He was contemplating if he could get out of assaulting the man if he asked for his autograph.

'Do you know the offender,' the man asked pulling out a pad for notes.

'Yes it's my ex-wife's husband and he beats the crap out of her. She came over last night to stay and now this.'

'And you sir, where have you been sir...for official purposes of course,' the man asked obviously prying.

'Well my father just died up at St. Luke's and then I had breakfast with a son I didn't know I had,' Lucas rasped dryly. He decided this man would be the perfect outlet for his night's frustrations until he could get some type of fix.

'I'm sorry for your loss but what time did you leave here,' the man said cowering back a little.

'Um around 4:30-ish I believe,' Lucas said with an uncaring shrug.

The officer turned to the doorman to continue his questions and Lucas turned back to the black and white version of the story. The police were exiting the elevator and Jon was wildly gesturing. Lucas's mouth grew dry. He could see the glint of the barrel in Jon's hand as the police neared him guns drawn. He watched as the man went to lower his hand then quickly raised it again to take aim. He heard the soft thump some floors above him and then watched as the body sagged to the floor in front of his door. He sighed heavily. There was no way he was going to be able to hide this from the press. In fact he was quite confident that not only was Lindsey now traumatized but his chances of Peyton getting very close to him again were just shot down. It was going to be hours before he would get peace and quiet and 'meds'. He groaned loudly before taking to a sofa in the lobby.

He waited for the ambulance to arrive before going to open the door. The police sergeants were going to want to milk them full of questions they didn't need answers to and then run to the press with information they didn't need to release. He would protect her. He wasn't going to feed her to the wolves. He owed her that much.

'We are going to need to a statement from Mrs. Strauss,' the officer from downstairs asked.

'Yeah you just shot her husband dead and you want her to willingly talk to you,' he accused.

'I am just trying to do my job here, Mr. Scott,' the man said more gently.

'My ex-wife spent the night at my home because her husband beats her. Her husband came to my home and harassed her to open up the door, which she didn't. Your guys shot him. What more do you need,' Lucas bellowed.

The man thought to himself before speaking,' I guess we can use the surveillance video tapes as all the evidence.'

'Wow how come I didn't think of that,' Lucas glowered.

The man backed away and Lucas didn't bother to get his name. He didn't care. He in his opinion had had a stellar evening: His father was dead finally, he got rid of his nagging ex-wife's husband, he kissed Peyton Sawyer and he had a nine year old reason named Dylan Keith Scott to keep her in his life forever. He had to stop from smiling as he entered into the home.

Lindsey sat on the couch her body near lifeless. She heard him and her eyes shifted and he could see a sense of fear. He sat on the coffee table and stared at her for some time before speaking. Her head was lowered expecting him to rant outrageously as he would have some years ago. Instead he was patient and sincerely apologetic. He wasn't angry with her at all. She had been good to him, trying to keep him from pulling the trigger all these years.

'He's dead,' he said quietly.

'Dan or Jon,' she asked a small glimmer of hope shining in her eyes.

'Both,' he said a faint smile curling around his lips. Guilt washed over him as the thought of Dylan's anguished face flickered in his mind's eye.

'Oh Lucas I am so sorry I didn't mean to cause a mess,' she began suddenly.

'You need anything,' he said eyeing her hopefully.

'Only if you do,' she said quietly.

He shrugged as they rose and headed to his room. It was a routine neither of them could break. They had fallen into a cycle of trying to use their bodies to fill the void of emptiness they both felt. Neither wanted to acknowledge that it was a useless exploitation of the other. The sex and drugs always numbed him from the aching pain he suffered daily from. He knew she was taking some sort of anti-depression pills probably because he had brought her self-esteem so low. They were just fucked up people and it was entirely his fault.

'I have a son,' he said trying to make the conversation light. She removed the clothes she had slept in while he lowered his sweatpants.

'Yeah,' she said softly masking her hurt and surprise. She had been to the clinic three times over the course of their relationship. She had never told him about it. Her heart sagged a little at the thought. She knew he would have only sunk further into depression because those kids weren't the ones he wanted. He would never have hope of reclaiming _her_ if he had someone else's children.

'Yeah,' he said before taking her gently in his arms.

He was far more relaxed then usual. Lindsey sensed it and it broke her on the inside. She watched him as his head lowered to kiss her. It was subtly reminiscent of a long time ago. It was gentle and caring. She let her shoulder's sag realizing some of his burden had nothing to do with Peyton and a lot to do with Dan. Dan's death would catch up to him later when he was older but for now some of the torment was gone. His eyes seemed a little bluer then they did this morning. She succumbed to his demands and lost herself in the thought that maybe things really would turn out for the best. Twenty minutes later he sighed that painful familiar sigh and she knew she was lying to herself all over again.

--------------------

Dylan Scott entered the spacious penthouse he called home and marched himself to his room. He slammed the door behind him and about ten minutes later Peyton heard rap music blasting from underneath his door. She sighed, a thin smile gracing her lips. It wasn't Led Zepplin but at least he could express himself musically.

'Okay Sawyer you get an A for grace,' Chris said taking off her shoes. She was propped on her sofa and Chris was enjoying massaging her feet. They hadn't discussed their earlier make-out session but something was definitely brewing between them. She smiled over to her friend.

'I just knew he was going to flip but I didn't think it was going to be at Dylan. I mean his hormones are off because of him using and everything but did he really have snap at him like that. I guess now I have something over him when he decides to crawl his ass back into our lives. I just hope he doesn't make a big scene at the funeral,' she replied letting her thoughts flow as she tried to relax.

'Wow you are just ruthless,' Chris joked before growing serious,' Do you think this is good though? Do you think he should be around Dylan?'

'I just… I…. I really don't want him around Dylan in his current mental state. I mean did you hear how quickly he jumped down Dylan's throat. Would he hurt him? Do you think he would touch him if he got angrier?' Peyton said pinching her nose.

'Yeah but did you see how little man held his own,' Chris pointed out, 'Not to mention he looked like he got attacked by cat hair. He was definitely stoned at the gala this evening.'

Somewhere in the conversation Peyton had shifted her body into Chris arms. An objective observer would wander how long the two had dated with the way her hands were drawing circles over his. He instinctively kissed her shoulder as they talked about Dylan and Lucas. It was a whole other level of intimacy for the two and they were deftly dancing around the topic.

-------

Lucas stood in front of his mother's home, the moist Carolina air licking at his neck. The heavy perfume of the magnolia's caught his nostrils and he realized he was really home. He hadn't been here in years. Not since his mother and he fought over Peyton. Lucas had said some awful things that day. He looked at the cab waiting patiently behind him. He didn't even know if he was welcome there anymore. He found his hand rising to the door knocking.

Lilly Roe-Scott opened the door her large brown Keith Scott eyes boring holes into his head. He remembered the way his Uncle had been disappointed in him about Jules. He remembered the hurt brown eyes studying him with disappointment before he disappeared into the unknown. It was the same look his little sister gave him right now. He had cursed her out last time he saw her. He smiled a little as she tucked a brown lock of hair behind her ear.

'Hey Lily can I come in,' Lucas asked quietly.

She shrugged a little as if he had burned her and turned around.

'Mom Lucas is here,' she said leaving him standing outside of the screen door to his home.

He nervously looked back at the cab driver suddenly embarrassed that the stranger got to see the truth about his life. He scratched at his neck nervously as his mother's silhouette appeared. He didn't know if he deserved her forgiveness. He knew now what she had been trying to tell him and he felt all the more guilty he hadn't listened. The porch door swung open and his mother cautiously leaned against the door.

'Didn't expect to see you,' she said quietly.

'Yeah,' he said shifting from one foot to the other. His hands were shoved in his pockets the way he used to right before he told her something she wasn't going to be proud of. Her heart clenched a little wondering exactly what type of sick darkness I was that held him prisoner in his own mind.

'Lily has your old room,' she said with a small smile.

'That's okay. The couch is fine,' he said quietly.

She nodded and he put his bag down. Her hug startled him and he didn't realize how much he missed it until she was pulling away.

'Ma I....,' he started the tears forming in his eyes.

'I know baby,' she said quietly,' you might want to tell the cabbie you'll be staying.'

He nodded blushing some despite the southern heat. The man took the fare tipping his hat with a warm smile. He watched the cab as it drove away before turning to open the door. He was home.

--------

Dinner was quiet save the clinking of silverware. His sister stirred at her food cautiously. They used to be close once upon a time. When she was a baby he would hold her closely thinking about his other curly blonde head love. She would curl into him babbling happily and he would talk to her as if she could understand the very heart of things. He had promised to raise her and he'd broken that. Now it seemed as if she was counting seconds till it was over. His mother sighed heavily.

'Lucas there's something I have to tell you and I really don't care if you want to hear it or not,' she said firmly.

'I already know ma,' Lucas said following her train of thought.

'No you don't. I tried telling you the last time you were here but things blew up,' Karen continued. She knew her should be daughter-in-law too well. That girl wouldn't tell him unless she had to.

'I met him at the hospital when Dan died,' Lucas said simply.

'You finally met Dylan,' Lily piped up from her plate. She loved her cousins and they treated her with the utmost care when they were around. He brother nodded ruffling her hair.

Karen watched her son intently waiting for the flood of violent outbursts she had come to expect from him. She didn't like it but was she really in a position to fight a grown man. He let his hand cover hers. She watched him warily until a smile broke from him. She could see his eyes gloss over.

'It's ok Ma he's beautiful,' he said quietly.

'I love that little boy,' she said bowing her head to hide her tears,' he was over here this morning with Jamie. Those two are something else.'

'I'm afraid Jamie doesn't like me very much,' Lucas said wishing he could take back that comment in the waiting room of the hospital.

'He'll come around,' Karen said gently cupping her son's face, 'They both will.'

Lucas nodded and hoped to God his mom was right. It felt good to be here. He looked around the home trying to figure out why he'd ever left. After dinner he took a walking tour around Tree Hill stopping at a particularly memorable brick house. Her father's car was parked next to her comet. He knew she was here in Tree Hill and he smiled at the thought. He used to freely walk in and out of the home he stood in front of as if it was his. He remembered how good it felt just to round the corner of her block and see it looming above her neighbor's houses. When he was younger he would ride bikes with Haley past her house and catch her and Brooke squeals from the backyard. The moist hot air was now cooking against his skin as the sun began to set. He turned to go but was stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of her.

She was leaning up against her mailbox arms folded. He blonde curls held an orange tinge from the sun and he let out the air that caught in his throat at his sight.

'Hey,' she said quietly.

He only nodded still speechless. His beard started to itch incessantly. She was still upset about the breakfast. He hadn't called since he left but he was pretty sure she had seen what happened on the news.

'How are you,' she asked.

He could tell she didn't want to know and suddenly he didn't want her to. His awe washed away immediately and was replaced with resentfulness. She didn't deserve his adoration. She had lied to him and took from him something precious that he would have cherished. His son probably hated him at the moment and it was her fault. His stony glare was enough of a response for her.

'Good Lord Lucas what are you gonna do yell and scream at me too,' she snapped irritably,' and what are you even doing down here I thought you hated Dan.'

He shoved his hands in his pocket and moved past her wordlessly. She couldn't do that to him anymore he thought angrily. She wasn't entitled to an explanation of his thoughts and actions.

'Oh so now what are you going to do stare me to death,' she scoffed bitterly.

She was pissed he was standing in front of her home looking like a lost puppy out in the rain. His wild beard and hair did nothing but up his sympathy factor and she was sure her father would have welcomed him in if he had caught sight of him.

'Don't push me Peyton,' he gritted out as she crossed her arms and ready to argue.

'No I believe you've already got someone pushing something on you and its all white and dusty,' she snorted.

'You don't know what the fuck you're talking about,' he snarled,' You avoid me for a decade and then by accident I found out I have a kid. And don't sit there and throw my shit in my face 'cause its not like _both_ of you're parents didn't have a problem.'

Her face froze. Of course he knew that Ellie had a problem he had been there for her when it happened. But she had no idea how he knew anything as to who her biological father was. The only thing she could think of is he had paid attention to her life in the press. She immediately felt guilty knowing that Lucas may have known about Dylan earlier had she been so adamant about shielding him from the photo-hounds.

'Yeah Peyton, you're grass is just as brown as mine so don't get in my face ready to kick dirt in my eye like you're some type of angel. You're wings got clipped a long time ago too,' Lucas said the world rolling of his tongue like one spits a sour drink.

'Fuck you,' she growled,' Leave us alone and go fuck yourself.'

He knew she didn't mean it the way her eyes glossed over as she said it. He had hit a sore spot by dragging her dead mother into it but he didn't care. She wasn't even considering the fact that he all but admitted she was the reason why he couldn't get better. No fuck that. Peyton was thinking about Peyton. Not Lucas like he had done all those years ago. Just Peyton. He turned abruptly and stormed away his back hunching as he shoved his hands in his pockets.

His heart rate spiked as he refused to look back. He could hear the slam of her front door from the end of the block. He wasn't going to simply cave to Peyton Sawyer. He loved her but right now he couldn't forgive her. He sighed the weight of his anger weighing down his thoughts. Who knew his hatred for Dan would have ever led him to this new twist in his life. He had an opportunity to win Peyton back at the expense of his father's death. Such a loss he thought to himself sarcastically.

The River Court.

_Save the best for last_ he thought to himself. He sat in the middle of the empty court staring off at the river coursing past him. In no time the tranquil scenery had soothed his mood. The sound of footsteps caused him to look up. His brother loomed over him before sitting.

'Hey man,' Lucas grunted.

'You're such a recluse,' Nathan said to his older brother as he made himself comfortable.

'Yeah well… I got a copy of the will yesterday,' Lucas said quietly.

'Yeah it's weird I didn't know he still owned the dealership,' Nathan replied quietly.

'Yeah I know,' Lucas said frowning down at his brother.

'He was really good to Dylan. Like I was worried for a while that he would play that stupid favorites thing but he didn't. Some days he seemed grateful Dylan even spoke to him,' Nathan said.

'Yeah it doesn't change much for me. He still took Keith,' Lucas scoffed.

'Yeah I know. It was hard watching him make Jamie giggle. I would wonder if Keith could do better you know,' Nathan said rubbing at his forehead. He lay back to watch the night sky as it darkened above him.

'You think she'll let me see him. Do you think she'd fight me for my right to see him,' Lucas asked suddenly.

'She'll do it if he asks. Haley is the one you should be worried about,' Nathan said quietly.

'Yeah she hates me,' Lucas said bitterly.

'She doesn't hate you. She hates what you do. She'll never say it but she's watched all your films and bought all your books. She loves you. She just wishes you were doing better with yourself.'

' I miss her Nate,' Lucas breathed deeply.

Nathan knew he wasn't talking about Haley.

'She misses you to. She sees you every time she looks at him and you can tell she misses you,' Nathan said trying to boost his brother's self-esteem.

'I wish I could believe you,' Lucas said quietly lying back on the court.

The two sat in silence. There lives together had started on this court with seeds of hatred before growing into deep-rooted bond. He wondered if Dylan and Jamie had played here. If they loved it the same way he and Nate did. He loved the boy and he didn't even know him yet.

'God Peyton what were you thinking,' he whispered.

Nathan heard his brother's words but didn't move. They had let Peyton decide the destiny between Lucas and Dylan but fate clearly had other plans for them. God knows he never expected his brother to come to Dan's hospital but he did. He considered Dylan's curious questions over the last few days. Peyton had answered so far everything he wanted know with quiet words. Her son didn't ask her much instead choosing to confide in his Uncle more. Nathan had made Dylan a promise. If Peyton wasn't going to willingly let Lucas see Dylan than he'd be there. Of course he would. Lucas just wasn't Dan, so Dylan had no worries.

---------------

Lucas grew nervous as he neared the church eager to make amends. For a long while he just stood outside across the street smoking a cigar. He watched as the barely noticeable orange glow ate at his initials in the stick. For some odd reason he didn't feel quite right popping pills under his mother's roof. She wasn't critical of the cigars and it worried him. She hadn't been too critical about much at all. He watched as she arrived with Deb and the two women exchanged a grim look before going into the church. He wasn't sure how he felt about the sizable crowd that showed up for the funeral.

He cautiously entered trying surprised there even was a crowd. He knew Peyton was going to hold his addiction over his head and he was ready to fight her. It didn't mean that she had a right to deny him of rights to Dylan. He was prepared for the storm but not for its intensity. There were mostly family members present including his brother and Haley and his nephew. There were some cousins there but Lucas never cared for them much. Nathan had mentioned them over the years as their fame grew but it was awkward hearing about your second cousin twice removed. He felt they only had revealed themselves because of his success and thus weren't family at all. Shallow people weren't worth exploring.

Peyton and Dylan and a large number of friends that had been faithful to Dan despite his flaws were also present. He hadn't bothered to show for the wake but he tried to seat himself next to them at the church. The matching cold stares he received from both Dylan and Peyton were chilling. Dylan's temper was definitely a mixture of Scott and Sawyer and needless to say that was a deadly combination. It didn't help that Jamie and Haley were silently shunning him as well. Chris Keller sat nearby watching him cautiously as he watched Peyton. It felt as if everyone in the church was eyeing him judgmentally for not having any remorse. How could he? Dan murdered Keith and stole Lucas's only chance to have a father. Lucas refused to forgive him and his death had lifted a weight off Lucas's shoulders. Why couldn't they understand that this was healing him?

After the services Dylan and Peyton disappeared. When he asked Nathan what happened to them, his brother sighed heavily. He could tell that pursing their whereabouts right now wasn't for the best. Lucas wandered back to the River Court to think. A group of teenagers were congregating over it and it brought back dozens of painful memories. Most of them involved him and Keith or Nate or Peyton. He was going to have to step his game up he thought as he studied two of the teenagers. They kept exchanging longing looks in each others directions as the boys played and the girls pretended not to care. The next day he hit the gym and shaved his beard into a goat-tee. He was going to let both Peyton and Dylan simmer down a little and then he'd try again.

A/N: So this edit comes while I'm on vacation in Nice. Yes I know glamorous. But let me tell you the coffee portions are little too small for my liking. I have however managed to meet some very entertaining British men. They are adoring my slight New York accent. Anyhoo as always thank you for all the glorious reviews. I will try to work more dialogue into the story as things are now falling into place for our two favorite lovers. Continue to review and let me know how I'm doing. I can tell people read it but I mean do you guys like it?


	10. father meets son

**A/N:** Hey guys sorry this update took longer than I thought it would. It's also kinda lengthy so if its a little much for you i suggest reading half today and the other half tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be so good you won't realize how long it is. Also thanks for the phenomenal reviews they make my day sooo much better.

**ENJOY!**

------------------------------------

_Two weeks later_

He sat in her office waiting for her to arrive for the morning. The young secretary was far too impressed that 'Mr. Lucas Scott himself' wanted to discuss the soundtrack and scores for his new movie to consider he shouldn't wait _in_ her office. The fact that he had whipped out the old Scott charm and his award-winning smile just for her gained him entrance into a sacred domain he was thoroughly enjoying. Her office reminded him of a cathedral in a way. The walls were a mixture of large glass windows and brick walls. On those brick walls were plaques and awards of hers. She's pretty successful in the music industry and he didn't deny he hadn't kept up with her over the years. It was simply she also had been private. While everyone else's life had been splashed across the tabs hers was sacred considering she was after all an executive and didn't party as much as everyone else. It completely explained why he hadn't known about Dylan at all. If he considered how involved Dan and his mom and Deb were, he pretty much would have never known if he hadn't decided to show up that day. He wondered how many invitations Nathan had extended to him that he had missed. How many proddings he'd ignored for the sake of a good high. His musings were interrupted as she sailed into her office with her earphones on sipping a cup of coffee. He shifted in his chair and she caught the motion in the corner of her eyes. She jumped back at least a foot spilling coffee all over. If he weren't so upset with her he would've rushed to her side to help her but hell not today.

'What the hell Luc,' she snapped.

'No see that's definitely my line Peyton. What the mother-fucking hell,' he replied matching her tone.

'You never returned any of my phone calls so I stopped calling,' she said with a shrug,' After a while I didn't want to call. Now get the fuck out my office.'

He knew she wasn't lying but that didn't mean he wasn't in the least bit upset.

'I want partial custody of my son,' he demanded.

'That's nice. Druggy dad wants to hang out with his kid,' she said tartly.

'Peyton I'm not Dan. I would have never abandoned him,' he said forcefully standing to his feet. He began to pace his blood boiling with every step. How could she even consider saying no to his request?

'As far as he knows Dan never abandoned him,' Peyton said stonily.

'Shit Peyton seriously,' he exploded,' you withheld him from me for all these years. I've got enough money to get full custody and you know that as much as I do.'

'Lucas you pop pills like candy, you wreak of smoke and stale vodka and your job requires you out of town way too often to provide a stable household environment. Not to mention you just had a murder outside your home. My lawyers would have a field day,' Peyton retorted but the fear was evident in her voice. He would fight her to see his baby even if Dylan grew to hate him.

'So are you really going to stop me from seeing him, Peyt,' His eyes were pleading with her,' I mean what can I do or say to get it done. I'll do it.'

'I don't know Luc. You just threatened to take him away from me,' she said quietly.

'I'm… Shit I… Fuck! Look I'm s-sorry. I'm just not used to having to ask for anything,' he said a little ashamed of his unruly behavior.

'I don't know. I have to check my schedule,' she muttered trying to stall. She honestly didn't want Dylan around him picking up bad habits.

'I'll take you two out to dinner tonight and we can talk about it then,' he said rather forcefully gaining his confidence back. He could tell she was going to bully her way out of it is she could.

It caught her off guard but she recognized that tone. It wasn't a negotiable one.

'I'll clear my schedule then. I guess I do you owe you that much,' she sighed consenting to his demands.

'Yeah, amongst other things,' he snapped irritably. His high was starting to wear thin.

'If you say it like that then we aren't going anywhere,' she snapped. She was in no mood to deal with his abusive temper today.

'I'll pick you guys up here at eight,' he said not changing his tone. He rolled his eyes as she slammed her cup down and called her assistant into the office. Poor girl probably was going to lose her job for this one. He smiled at the cute little thing as she switched into her bosses office. Yeah she was definitely going to lose her job over this.

------------

Dylan arrived to his mom's office promptly at 7:45 pm. He was overjoyed that the plan his Aunt Haley had enforced had worked. She told him during the funeral if he shot his father dirty looks he would beg his mom to take him to dinner. Dylan couldn't have thought of anything better. He was definitely curious as to who this man was. As it turns out he wrote a lot of books and made a lot of films. It made him feel good to know that he wasn't anyone Dylan would be embarrassed of. He was on a little bit of a sugar high today. His Grandpa Larry had allowed him and Jamie to light into a package of double stuff Oreos while he set up his room in the house. Of course Dylan missed his Grandpa Dan but with Grandpa Larry there it wasn't nearly as hard as it may have been.

'Hey Dylly-bear,' his mom said looking at him as he entered her office.

'Mom stop it. It's sooo not cool,' Dylan said irritably.

'So do you know what awfully fattening foods you're subjecting your mother to tonight,' she said while he clambered into her chair.

She was nervous her son was going to meet him tonight, again. Lucas was clearly not thinking about quitting his drug usage anytime soon and he didn't care that she knew either. The thing she hated the most is the way her heart fluttered after he had left her offices this morning. He had made the attempt to shave and he looked like he had rested a little as well. She could barely make the connection between him and the man that she'd argued with after the gala. It was terrifying because she could still feel their deep connection coursing inside of her.

'I don't know mom I wanted like hot wings or French fries or something,' Dylan said shrugging. Mother and son began to joke around quickly forgetting their dinner plans.

Lucas strolled into the building and punched in the fifth floor on the elevator door. She was back to her regular bitchy ways she took up when he wasn't present in her life. It had taken him running several red lights at a high speed to get into her heart the first time. The next it took Jake's presence and it cost him his relationship with Brooke to become close to her again. He had no idea what he could do short of lighting himself on fire to get into her heart this time. He neared the office and he saw his son, their son, sitting in her lap. She was focused solely on him. They were bopping their heads to a tune that didn't sound completely lost. He was telling her what he didn't like about it and she was listening intently as if his was the only opinion that mattered. Lucas leaned up against the door watching them for a moment. _Here goes nothing_.

'Hey,' he said sorry to break the moment.

They both looked up at him. Her face was trying to turn to stone but he could see there was more there. Dylan's face on the other hand was far more excitable. He seemed ready to run into his arms but thought the better of it.

'Hello,' Dylan said politely.

Lucas raked a hand through his hair. Now what do you do he thought. None of those stupid how to be a dad books told you what to do in this situation. Not that he'd bought any.

'Um I just wanted to know if it was okay if you went to dinner with me,' Lucas stuttered nervously to Dylan. Peyton's mouth dropped before realizing exactly what she was putting him through. Lucas had spent years hating the very existence of Dan. He probably thought Dylan felt the same way. He had no idea that on the rare occasion that she did speak of him it was with the utmost respect.

'It's okay,' Dylan said picking up on his father's nervousness.

'You got to bare with me. I'm not really sure what to do,' he continued to ramble nervously.

'It's okay I guess,' Dylan said shyly.

'You guys ready, Mommy has a ton of stuff she needs to get done tonight,' Peyton asked growing impatient under the heavy tension.

They both looked at her uncertainly before gathering their outer garments and preparing for dinner. The private car that was waiting for them as they exited the building threw Lucas for a loop. He never thought that Peyton would be the one to enjoy car service. He always thought she would enjoy a walk somewhere. Dylan climbed in as if it was a normal thing and Lucas followed.

'Where to Mr. Scott,' the driver asked clearly speaking to Dylan. Lucas looked at Peyton but she was looking out the window avoiding him.

'Um I can't decide between BRGR or The Jimmy Shack,' Dylan responded with a reasonable confusion. Lucas watched as he opened a small compartment and turned on the TV. ESPN immediately flashed on.

'Am I to decide little one,' the man asked a twinkle in his eye.

'I guess. I have no idea what to eat tonight,' the little guy shrugged.

' The Jimmy Shack it is then,' the driver said before pulling into New York City traffic.

Dylan was sitting between his parents leaning forward to the television. They were both staring hard out the window with respective snarls etched on their faces. He sighed a little. He had been told over the years that he had his father and his mother's temper combined. He wasn't sure what exactly that meant but he didn't like the unnecessary comparisons. Dylan turned up the volume to his television. Pardon the Interruption was on and it was the only thing he could think of that was going to relieve the uncomfortable silence.

Lucas watched the small child that had his eyes, soak in whatever the opinion was that ESPN had to offer. Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon immediately fell into their usual banter discussing new NFL developments and Lucas found himself grateful for the distraction. His eyes strayed as Peyton's hand absently ran through Dylan's head. The little boy became a little riled as he began to disagree with Tony and his precious giggle erupted as Michael Wilbon pretended to be Robinson Canoe after a catching error that cost the Yankees their game. The giggling grew to genuine laughter as Tony Kornheiser's turban appeared. Lucas couldn't help but laugh as the sarcastic snarky predictions were made concerning the upcoming NCAA tournaments.

'I've got Duke over UNC in the finals by nine points,' Kornheiser announced.

'Please they are both going to choke in the first round,' Dylan said irritably.

'Wow no faith in the North Carolina teams huh,' Lucas said.

'No it's all about UCLA,' Dylan aid frowning weirdly at him,' everyone knows the Carolina teams choke in the first round anyways.'

'Is that so,' Lucas asked intrigued,' You know I went to UNC and as a diehard Tar Heel I'm not exactly feeling the animosity you're holding.'

'So mommy went to UCLA and that's where I was born so you're officially outnumbered,' Dylan bantered back easily.

Lucas tried to smile and continue the conversation with the same stamina that it had started but he felt clearly disconnected from the two. UCLA had offered him an assistant coaching position and he had turned it down to stay close to his mom and Nathan. At least that's what he told them. Then the publishers picked up his book and he had another excuse to stay away from California. His editor was on the east coast and the truth was running into Peyton after the way they left things was terrifying. _What would've been_ he thought bitterly.

The car pulled up to the restaurant and Peyton gritted her teeth bracing herself. The restaurant was definitely one of her and Dylan's favorite. However it was a college establishment and college establishments meant raving college fans. She suddenly regretted posing for Maxim with Brooke and Haley last month. Dylan and Lucas continued to bicker about the upcoming playoffs as Peyton held the door open. She held her tongue noticing how Lucas seemed to sail past her only realizing at the last minute that she was holding the door for him.

'I'm sorry Peyton,' he said trying to salvage the lost cause.

'No ladies first,' she said with an icy smile.

Dylan giggled, ' Oooh you so got burned and by a girl too.'

Lucas's eyes narrowed a little before he forced himself to laugh. Peyton's insult was anything but friendly. His son skipped ahead of him unnoticing the glares his parents exchanged.

The dark sports bar was fuzzy in his eye and the crayola lights that hung from the ceiling spun a little. He loved the fact that his child was into sports but the talk was growing tiresome considering his mother kept sending him awful glares. The hostess led them to their seats upstairs and Lucas openly watched her despite the fact that she was barely of drinking age. Peyton's heart dropped. He had told her not two weeks ago he was still not over her but this was the second girl he hit on in front of her in less than a 24-hour span. She sailed upstairs ahead of him wondering if it was simply some ploy to make her jealous but his body language and his crooked smile told her it was anything but. Oddly enough, as they sat, he offered to take her jacket looking at her puzzled as she refused. She stared deeply into his eyes searching the dilated pupils for answers. She didn't even notice that fate had seated them next to a table full of twenty somethings gaping at her. Lucas did a double take between the table and the beautiful woman who sat across from him. He tried to concentrate on the menu but suddenly Dylan's excitable rambling of sports got the better of him.

'Peyton do you want me to sit next to you,' his voice betrayed his irritation in the situation.

He missed the crestfallen face of Dylan as he leaned across the table eager to take the male attention off of Peyton.

She shook her head no as if his question was ludicrous. She followed his eyes to the college boys and fought the urge to smack him. So now he was jealous after he just eye-fucked the hostess. She looked into Dylan's shattered face and realized this was not going to go well at all tonight. She chose to roll her eyes in agitated disgust at Lucas. He had no right acting this way concerning her.

'Um so I was wondering what exactly do I call you,' the little boy asked his feelings utterly demolished from Lucas's apparent mood swing.

Lucas looked to Peyton stunned by his question but she was too absorbed in the menu to give him any inclination as to the pitfalls of the trap he was falling into. Dylan's patience grew thin, as his father seemed more tongue-tied than ever. Did he not want him to call him Dad? It was a simple question so why was he stalling?

'May I take your order please,' the waitress came up to the table completely flustered.

'Lemonade,' Dylan replied flatly. Peyton looked over her menu to her son immediately alert to the change in his tone.

'Um, hard Lemonade for me,' Lucas spoke quickly. He was already floating on air but the higher he went the better. He had no real answers for this child that sat beside him. What could he offer to him that he didn't already have?

'Your not allowed to drink around me. That's the rules,' Dylan said his personality introverting quicker by the minute.

'No honey those are family rules. Your father can do whatever he pleases,' Peyton spoke cuttingly. She couldn't believe how insensitive Lucas was toward Dylan.

'Oh,' Dylan said thankful his mother had finally said something. Her silence was making him uncomfortable. She had explained to him that it was good to get know his father but she was doing nothing to encourage it and neither was his father. He claimed he didn't know what to do but he really didn't even bother to try.

'Peyton it's not like I'm not family okay. Gees I'm trying so hard but it's kinda hard when you won't give me anything to work with,' Lucas snapped just wanting her to make it easy for him.

'Um I'll come back,' the waitress said.

'No honey it's ok. Two regular lemonades and a giant pitcher of hard lemonade. Thank you,' she said in a voice that dripped of syrup.

Dylan and Lucas recognized that voice anywhere. Peyton was livid but she was in public so there wouldn't be a scene. It was a crisis awaiting their entrance to the car.

'Peyton what's the deal? What's your fucking problem? If you don't want me to drink around Dylan than I won't. Don't act like it's okay if it's not,' he snapped at her again.

_So this is it_ he thought.

This was how they were going to be. Constant fighting and bickering until one of them decided to shoot the other. He didn't want to fight with her but she was so damn annoying tonight that he couldn't stop it at all. She was looking at him in mock confusion and his body visibly bristled, irritated she was so openly goading him in public. Little did she know that she was stirring the temper that only a morning dosage of oxycodine and an afternoon dosage of valium could create. Lucas pinched his nose trying to calm his erratic nerves. His eyes flew open angrily as he felt Dylan kick him. He looked to his side ready to light into him but was met with an empty seat. He looked up to see the young boy sitting closely to his mother his eyes filled with desperate tears. There was a wary distrust for him that Lucas picked up immediately. One moment Dylan and he seemed to be bonding, talking about sports and the next he was looking at Lucas as if he'd slapped him.

Peyton leaned down to him talking softly while Dylan stared off into space his eyes almost lifeless. It suddenly occurred to him that the young boy sitting across from him had his mother's sensitivity. He recalled being that sensitive once and it suddenly occurred to him that he had clearly been ignoring him. Lucas wrestled internally with the new revelation as the awkward silence at the table made its occupants squirm somewhat. Laughter erupted from the table nearby and the group of young men began to chant. Lucas knew his face was contorting to a dark menacing glare but he couldn't help it. This was who he was now; there wasn't much that could change it. The waitress returned distributing the drinks for them. He greedily imbibed his thankful for the distraction.

'Um excuse me Ms. Sawyer.'

Lucas robotically turned to the young man who was offering Peyton a pen and a magazine to sign.

'I know your busy with your family but I'm a huge...huge fan of the label and I...I...,' the young man stammered nervously.

He watched jealously as she smiled and gracefully grasped the pen. She opened the pages of the magazine to find her photo. Lucas openly leaned across the table to see and she began to sign her name.

'And what's your name,' she asked the guy whose chest was puffed proudly at her gesture. She was curling her hair flirtatiously as she spoke not caring that Lucas was watching, his mouth agape. He cursed tearing his eyes away as she chatted with her fan. So this must be payback for him trying to be nice to the hostess. She was so suffocating at times. The catcalls from the table beside him erupted raucously and he tapped his fingers impatiently. He looked to Dylan and they realized they were doing the same thing. Peyton scrawled a message to the boy and then kissed the page she signed. Everyone's mouth including Dylan's fell open.

'Oh wow thank you soo much,' the fan said ducking his head a little.

'Sure thing in fact do your friends want me to take a picture,' she offered trying to get away from the tension Lucas seemed to be emitting.

Dylan's head swiveled sharply in her direction giving away her small act. In the back of his head he knew there was something strange with her current behavior. His mother was uncharacteristically silent and she rarely signed autographs for people when he was around. Then again his dad was staring holes into her head completely ignoring him. Her faux good mood and his dad's clouded face only depressed him further.

Peyton leaned down to her son,' Sweetie mommy's going to take some photos. Just stay here with your father. When the lady comes to take our orders just get me a veggie burger okay.'

'What can I order,' Dylan asked regretfully.

'Whatever you like baby,' she said gently before kissing him on the forehead.

'Okay mom,' he answered quietly looking at his dad again.

Lucas frowned his jealousy unhidden from the pair as she waltzed away to the crowd of salivating boys. They had to be no more than twenty-five and despite his age of twenty-eight Lucas couldn't help but be jealous. Perfectly chiseled arms and smiles touching her boldly turned his stomach. He needed air and a cigar, which, while being the worst type of joke, seemed to be the best solution. He turned to go but then remembered that he was under the observation of a crisp set of blue eyes.

'What,' he demanded causing Dylan's temper to sour.

'You never answered my question,' Dylan said coldly.

'Dad's fine,' Lucas mumbled. He wasn't Dan. He wanted his child. He had always wanted his children even if he didn't know they existed he would have wanted them.

'I don't know if I want to call you that anymore,' Dylan answered bitterly.

'Um listen I know I'm not the best company but I am still trying to wrap my head around this. I just I was ....I didn't know my father very well either and he wasn't very nice to me so I just don't ....I want you Dylan I do. I want to be your dad and I want to do dad stuff with you. I just don't know you and that scares me,' Lucas explained gently.

He had no idea where all the honesty was coming from but he figured the best thing he could do is always be honest with his kid. Dan had always been honest with him and Dylan deserved that. He looked at his son whose arms were crossed contemplating his father's words.

' I guess I should call you Dad. That's who you are,' Dylan said despondently.

'Wow thanks for your approval,' Lucas's sarcasm bit into the conversation.

'I didn't say I approved. I just said I guess. If I approved then that would mean I was okay with it,' Dylan said back just as sarcastically.

'You've been around your mother and your Aunt Brooke entirely way too long. Why wouldn't you be okay with calling me Dad,' Lucas said with a small smile.

'Well for one Uncle Nate cares about what Jamie says or does all the time. Even if he is away at a game, he cares. He cares about me too the same way keep on looking at mom the way her last boyfriend did and that's definitely not okay,' Dylan spoke bluntly.

Lucas swallowed nervously, 'What was wrong with your mom's last boyfriend?'

'He used to yell and break things. She didn't like him much and he always tried to make her choose between him and me. He would like, try to buy me expensive stuff but Grandpa Dan would make him return it. When grandpa wasn't over he would like, try to make her let him stay over for sleepovers. He hated me and always made mom find a babysitter so they could go out,' Dylan said. For some reason it made him feel better telling his father all this stuff. He could see his face softening into the cool anger Uncle Nate's did when he first told him.

'Did he ever hurt your mom,' Lucas asked quietly.

'No he just made her cry…alot. He would tell me he was going to be my dad,' Dylan confessed.

Their faces fell into mirroring grave solemnity. Lucas reached across the table and took his hand.

'I can't say me and your mom aren't going to fight because we have a lot of things we have to work out. I can just say that I will do my best not to make her cry. Its the last thing I want. I don't feel like a very good person when she's upset with me or she doesn't want me around,' Lucas said patting his head.

It was an awkward exchange feeling the smallish fingers in his. It jolted him into a new perspective causing him to see things completely differently. It was one thing to feel the touch of the woman you love. A brush from the soul you were destined to be with could be earth shattering. It quite was another thing to experience the touch of the fruit of that love. It sent shivers down his spine causing him to freeze all motions and savor the moment. Dylan must of felt it too because he was looking at Lucas searching for something.

'Oh Dylan honey I wasn't gone that long,' Peyton said returned to the table.

She could still sense a broken elation in her son. His aloofness in the situation had her alarmed. He was normally an outgoing boy when he was with her but his shyness was overwhelming. Her heart fluttered as they both turned to her bearing the same accusatory look in their eyes. She sat abruptly, almost floored by the similarities in their behavior. The three ate their food cautiously, Dylan discussing loose ESPN news with his father. Peyton finished quite quickly while Dylan picked his way through his food. Lucas who was barely hungry but quite drunk continued the conversation with a disturbing level of coherence. The dull room continued to blur around him and he was suddenly very ashamed that he wouldn't remember the first dinner with his son because he had chosen to drink it away. Shit he was a total ass. Damn Dan and his crappy example. Damn Peyton too. If she loved him he wouldn't have needed to numb years of pain away. Dylan studied his sluggish movements curiously deciding that his father was indeed a sad man like his Aunt Haley explained. Peyton excused herself while the waitress brought them the tab. He stood to pay her trying to gain his balance so he could walk out the restaurant without looking as drunk as he actually was. He could here the guy from earlier clearly in a drunken ramble talking to his friends.

'Duuude he's like the luckiesth man I know. Peythan Thawyer is sooo hot,' he slurred about drunkenly. One of his buddies nodded and they clinked their beer glasses together. Lucas stood there momentarily stunned.

'I'd be lucky if Peyton and my son were going home with me tonight,' Lucas muttered to himself.

The revelers heads bobbled in fragmented reverence,' Duuude he's got it in the bag.'

Lucas sank back into his seat wondering how it wasn't so obvious to these strangers that his life wasn't perfect. He knew there were rumors about his drug abuse flying around in the press and he knew despite their nonchalance everyone knew who he was. How could anyone view him as lucky or on top of the world? His thoughts swirled in his head while his son studied him grinning at the comment he overheard. Dylan peered at his father curiously. The sense of want rose in him high and he smiled brightly. It suddenly didn't matter if his father was trashed or if their first conversation was horrible. His mom returned to the table her eyes a little tired from her day's work.

'Mom when can we have dinner with Dad again,' Dylan asked not so quietly.

Lucas missed the question as he stared in amazement at the remnants of his burger. The flecks in the meat were always astounding no matter how much he tried to get over it. And those lettuce veins, were they actually still pulsing? Peyton's heart was tugging under the iron grasp of fear Lucas had instilled in it. He had left them once and he could do it again. Hell in all technicality he wasn't even there at the moment.

'Um maybe some time next week, Dyls,' she said softly.

'How about tomorrow,' he asked hopefully slightly kicking his dad under the table.

Lucas head shot up and he looked at the little one curiously before realizing he was supposed to be listening to the conversation.

'I have to go to a work dinner tomorrow, you know that,' she said becoming a little more frustrated that her son was actually grilling her.

'Can't I go by myself. I go to school by myself with Jamie and Grandpa Larry most days,' Dylan said refusing to let her worm her way out of this.

'Oh honey I know you're a big boy,' she said looking squarely at Lucas who was staring back at her earnestly trying to grasp the meaning of the conversation,' But you father needs to be supervised.'

His face darkened as the impending rant broke forth.

' God Peyton I'm a grown man,' he nearly yelled.

'You are a drunk, prescription pill popping addict and I am not leaving my son around you,' she bit back ready for his outburst.

'Grandma Deb could take me and Jamie to hang out with him,' Dylan spoke up before either could continue their verbal sparring.

The two adults looked at him quietly. Peyton could see that her little boy was ready to quietly wage a war with her over it and the last thing she wanted was to seem like the bad guy. Dylan quietly pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Deb's number then handed it to her. Peyton bit her lip unsure of whether or not to discipline him or to cave to his demands. She decided to give in and then ground him later when she decided what was a legitimate excuse to ground him for. Penalizing him for wanting to see his dad was cruel. After a shaky explanation, she handed Lucas the phone. He grunted, nodded and agreed and then gave it back to Dylan smiling. The boy was clearly a leader of sorts. Dylan's smile crept across his face as his mother shakily smiled at him in awe of his determination in the situation. Lucas decided now was as good as any of a time to try to stand and leave. He stood with the support of the table and tried to take a step but the blurry room started to spin and he felt like he wasn't stepping on anything at all. Peyton sprang forward quickly catching him. They exchanged looks and that's when Dylan finally saw it, his glimmer of hope. He wasn't sure why he had been so calm tonight or why he didn't give in to yell and scream at his father for ignoring him. He knew there was something serious between his parents because he had witnessed his aunts and uncles fight before. However the intensity he felt when his parents stared into each other's eyes was inexplicable. It was the way Aunt Haley looked at Uncle Nathan after one of them had been away after a very long time. The only difference was that the look that passed between his parents made him blush something serious. He turned a little as if he were watching an adult movie and a scene he wasn't supposed to see was about to happen.

'Okay D-money, let's try to get your father to the car,' his mother called down to him barely looking in his direction.

He nodded obediently as his father leaned on his mother for support and they cautiously made their way to the first floor of the restaurant. His father's eyes never left her as they gingerly made their way outside into the warm spring air. The car was pulled around and he crawled in followed by his parents. It just fit for some reason despite the fact that his dad looked like he was going to hurl at anytime. His mom gave their driver an address he wasn't aware of and he suddenly was very antsy. Maybe he could help his mom walk his dad up to his place and get to see where he lived tonight. He knew Jamie had been there a couple of times and it seemed a little unfair. Jamie told him that Aunt Haley told him not to say anything because that was what his mother wanted. He snuck another glance at his dad. His arms had encircled his mom's waist and his head was nodding on her shoulder. His mother's eyes were glassy and sad.

'Mom don't cry,' Dylan patted her knee gently.

Peyton turned a little trying to hide her tears from her son. He was too young to understand the implications of opening up his heart to someone as noncommittal as his father. She had barely cracked the doors to hers and already she was hurting.

'Dad said he hates it when you cry. He wants to get better you'll see,' Dylan said trying to raise her spirits.

'He said that,' she asked quietly. When on earth had he had time to say that to him she thought to herself.

'Yeah and Aunt Haley says he wants to get better it's just going to take some time,' he said not knowing not to trust his father.

'I know baby I just hope he can. That its not too late,' she answered reaching over to smooth down his hair.

Silence blanketed them. Dylan watched the city lights change as the car made its way to a different part of the city.

'Mommy,' he ventured.

'Yeah,' she answered in a choked whisper.

'If he doesn't and he's still nice and he tries can we still go home with him anyways,' Dylan asked still looking out the window. He wanted his father to feel lucky. Everyone should be able to feel lucky sometimes.

Peyton looked at her innocent little boy and his hopeful words. How could she tell him the truth when he thought this way? At his age, she was trying to deal with losing her mom but this boy was going have to learn how to possibly deal with a dad that really wasn't all there.

'It depends honey. If daddy is still trying to hurt himself then it may hurt too much to go home with him,' she said honestly. She couldn't lie not in this situation. The stakes were far too high considering she was not only putting her heart in Lucas's hand but her son's too.

'What if he came home with us,' Dylan asked determined to make his dad lucky.

Tears continued to pour down her face as she could see his little brain working to find a solution to some problem he saw.

'Let's just try to help daddy out the car tonight,' she whispered hoarsely.

------


	11. What Am I going to do?

-------------------------------

Peyton struggled somewhat despite the efforts of her driver and Dylan to get Lucas out of the car. Her knees buckled under his weight a little and she would have fallen if her driver hadn't been suddenly by her side to aide her. Her son gently pushed from inside the car while she and the driver gently dragged him out the side of the car. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled sloppily at her. He was clearly still in his preferred state of reality.

'What floor,' she asked.

'Mom just ask the doorman,' Dylan said somewhat humored by the situation. He yawned a little his long day starting to catch up with him.

The doorman opened the door then quickly ushered them to the reception area.

'I have a spare key Miss,' he said gently.

It bothered her that the doorman seemed to be unfazed by this. He turned to hand her the spare but paused looking between Dylan's unruly curls hair and Lucas disheveled hair.

'Is this Mr. Scott's....,' he started completely awe struck.

'Yes and you are,' Peyton's voice was a low threat. The last thing she needed was a tabloid reporter stalking her son on the way to school.

'Mr. Scott is on the eighth floor,' he said catching her subtle hints.

She nodded as a barely conscious Lucas stumbled inside the elevator. He pinned her up against the wall clearly assuming she was following him back to his place for some other activity. Dylan giggled to himself as he watched his mom's face contort into disgust at his father's bad breath. She hated when people had awful body odor or bad breath so he could only imagine her horror at the moment. The elevator door opened and Peyton and Dylan walked over to the lone door that stood in the hall. She handed Dylan the keys as she tried to support Lucas who had taken to dozing off, his warm breath on her neck. The lock clicked and the door swung open.

'Lucas is that you,' a woman's voice called.

'That ain't grandma,' Dylan whispered conspiratorially to his mom as foot steps sounded down the hall. Peyton's face darkened, he was living with someone and openly pursuing her. What the hell? Lindsey's rounded the corner and her mouth dropped her face forming disgust.

'He got trashed didn't he,' she asked quietly. Peyton nodded completely embarrassed that there was another woman in his home. One he had been married to.

'I'm so, so sorry I told him not to,' she said rambling,' He does this when he doesn't know what's going on or how to control it. He just gets as far from the situation as possible and then calls me in the middle of the night. Here let me help you.'

'No Linds go away. I told you not to be here when I got back,' he slurred.

'Lucas you're a mess,' she hissed as Peyton transferred him from her shoulder to Lindsey's,' How are you supposed to get your family back if you aren't coherent for it.'

Peyton's mouth dropped. The moment shifted from frustrating and hurtful to completely awkward. Lucas wasn't really allowing himself to be shifted from one shoulder to the other. He stood up straight shooing both Lindsey and her help off.

'I'll take myself to bed thank you,' he said before leaning forward and almost toppling over. Peyton and Lindsey both caught him before he crashed to the floor.

'Peyton help me,' he asked in a whimper.

Peyton looked at the other woman pleading for help. Lindsey scoffed bitterly reading her thoughts. They certainly did favor each other.

'Trust me he can tell the difference,' she said shrugging before turning to go back to the room she came from.

Peyton sighed as Lucas used the wall to guide them toward his room.

-----

Dylan hadn't really listened to the exchange by the adults. He had closed the door behind his mother and had suddenly lost all train of thought. The first room that caught his sight was for him far more incredible than then the one that Uncle Nate had just like it. The flat screen television was far bigger than any he had seen and the room screamed comfort. The sport collectibles in the room sucked him in like a magnet. Dylan eyed the sacred treasures in awe. He hadn't seen anything like it and it didn't compare to Uncle's Nate's trophies. He sat on the couch that seemed to swallow him and continued to look at the shelves around him. Their were dozens of books around and golden men standing straight in a row like book ends where ever he looked. He couldn't for the life of him understand why his dad had so many of them but he figured it must be a joke that he would later let him in on. It reminded him of all the awards mom kept in a bucket under her bed. Dylan punched the little remote near the chair and watched as the whole room lit up to ESPN. He was definitely feeling like he was home.

-------------------

Lucas was trying to help Peyton a she untied his shoes and helped him strip down to his boxers. He was quite ashamed of his behavior in the hall and more ashamed that she knew Lindsey was in his home. He was struggling to get his arm out of his shirt to show her he was fine but she was doing that patient thing he loved so much. The soft touches of her fingers near his body were distracting. Distracting and haunting at the same time. It seemed like as her fingers grazed his skin he could remember them doing the exact same thing in a foggy memory that his mind was trying to conjure. It sent him into a drunken panic thus the entangling of his shirt.

'Just let me do it Luc,' she said calmly.

He tried to stop but the tears rolling down his eyes only encouraged him to help her further.

'Lucas be patient,' she said exasperated.

She helped him step out of his pants and finally went to help him in the tangled shirt situation he had managed to get himself into. He could feel her gentle breaths on his exposed chest. He watched her eyes take in his chest, puffing it out a little to prove he had tried to stay in shape. God he wanted her to stay with him so bad tonight. .

'I'm so sorry Peyton,' he mumbled.

'Just get better,' she said quietly.

'No you don't get it,' he slurred cupping her face to his forehead,' I'm so so sorry. We should be happy already.'

She drew in a deep breath,' Luc don't make this....'

He cut her off with a passionate kiss. Before Peyton could pull away her body took control. Lucas's heart leapt in his chest. She was responding and this time he wasn't dreaming. They paused before he leaned down kissing her again clutching at her with a feverish passion. He pulled her flush against him feeling her body tighten. He not caring that Dylan was there being. He just wanted her. She stiffened a little more as she could feel his arousal moving against her. That was the nail in the coffin. He couldn't do it. Her heart wasn't in it and that's what he needed. He pulled away again wiping their mingled tears.

'I promise I'm going to get better,' he said as his lips hovered over hers. She looked up at him the passionate want in her eyes hanging over him like a cloud.

'You can't just have me, Luc,' she said drawing away from him slowly,' You have to earn Dylan's trust and respect. Then maybe you can earn mine. You can't just kiss me because you want to. It's not fair'

He nodded thumbing away her warm tears before stealing a final clasp of his lips to hers. She left quickly trying to blink away the tears. She rushed down the hall towards Lindsey's figure. Lindsey was leaning against the frame of a door to a room. She pulled away as she heard her footsteps sounding down the hall.

'I'm sorry we keep meeting on shitty terms,' she offered to Peyton who was clearly a mess.

'Yeah maybe in a different world we would have been friends,' Peyton offered.

'Yeah.'

There was the pregnant pause so perfunctory of these sorts of conversations.

'So um Dylan will be by tomorrow,' Peyton said,' Do you think you'll be around to help Deb with Jamie and Dylan.'

Lindsey's eyes widened at the news,' Um yeah sure.'

'Hey listen just tell me should I be leaving my child around him. I can't even begin to think what would happen if Dylan got hurt or something,' Peyton said in a rush.

'No no he's actually more harmless than he seems. He has a temper if you bother him but he isn't belligerent. He just shuts everyone out unless he has to be somewhere for a meeting or something,' Lindsey sighed.

'So um if you don't mind me asking are…you guys….like,' she said quietly.

'No, no he just...My late husband wasn't very nice so he would let me come over. It was…good…though. I think it helped him hold on to something,' she whispered.

Peyton looked sadly at the other girl who seemed desperately trapped in a web of despair. She was clearly in need of therapy of some sort. Her eyes kept reverting back towards Lucas's room as if him hearing her speak was not an option.

'Take care of yourself...nice meeting you,' Peyton said stepping into the room where her son was.

'It will nice to finally meet you. Both of you,' she said quietly.

Peyton smiled as she heard the familiar voice of Scott Van Pelvin announce the night's sports. She followed it to a room that was so clearly Lucas's trophy/memorabilia room. Dylan lay comfortably asleep in a worn leather couch that she was sure Lucas had over paid someone for. She moved to pick him up and almost froze as an old photo caught her eye. It was of the two of them the night that their high school won the state basketball championship. She had never seen it before. She was gazing up into his eyes with a look of satiated longing. Their lips were inches apart his eyes filled with love for her. The confetti falling about them made the photo surreal.

She let out a flustered sigh and scooped her child up in her arms. She couldn't come back here, not ever. She couldn't risk slipping and falling for him not in the state he was in. The Lucas Scott from the photo was gone. She shifted Dylan on her hip and waited for the elevator to take her downstairs.

---------------------

Her arrival back to her home was anything but quiet. Brooke and Chris clambered about her as soon as she walked in the door. She gave them a pointed look as she moved Dylan upstairs to his room. Jamie was already asleep in the bed. He usually stayed with her when Haley was on tour and his father's season was about to start. It just made things easier. Nathan and Haley only lived two floors underneath them but it just was simpler for him to be in the house with Dylan. Chase and her father conversed in low tones over drinks in the living room with the word 'she' seeming to float out of their conversation every thirty seconds. She sat patiently as Brooke bombarded her with a thousand questions. What was he like? Did he smile a lot more? Does Dylan like him? Are they fighting? Where'd you guys go? Did you get any in the back hallway?

She refused to soothe the overflowing concerns from her best friend who had practically set her up two weeks ago. Whatever Brooke was on from her therapist it was driving Peyton insane.

Finally, Brooke through up her hands in frustration while Chris leaned forward to capture her attention. Brooke let out a sound that was a strange mixture of hysteria and frustration. Peyton pursed her lips firmly together before answering the first question.

'Deb said she would take Dyl and J over to see him tomorrow,' she said fiddling with the hem of her dress. All movement stilled as the other two occupants let the new information sink in.

'Oh wow that's great,' Brooke said finally sitting down on the coffee table.

'You sure Naley will want Jamie around him,' Chris said scratching his head.

'Um well Nate's cool with it and if Haley didn't want it, she should be home more often,' Peyton said coldly,' Besides Nate has been doing double duty for the past nine years. I think it's okay for Lucas to start pulling his weight.'

'Well aren't we a little bitter,' Brooke said,' I guess it's fine really. I have a ton of wedding plans to start getting into and I know both of you are going to be super busy. It gives Deb some help with those two anyhow. They're at that age where board games don't matter.'

'Yeah and Lindsey hangs over there. I guess they are together or something or I'm not sure cause he had no problem hitting on me while she was there,' Peyton huffed.

'Wait Lindsey is there. She's the reason he has a drug problem in the first place,' Brooke scoffed,' Haley told me she's the one that pushed him into therapy.'

'He's on pills because he wants to be not because someone was nice enough to suggest he go to therapy. Besides I think he owes her considering the drama he's putting her through,' Peyton said ignoring the new information.

'Peyton how are you doing,' Chris asked with some concern for his friend. She didn't look like she was too excited about the whole situation she was in.

'He's just not the same person we all knew. How do you think I feel,' she said shrugging.

'We will talk more about this at the spa tomorrow missy,' Brooke said sensing Peyton was done for the night.

'Do you want me to stay,' Chris asked quietly.

'Only if you want to,' Peyton said quietly.

Her body was suddenly very aware of its surroundings after her close encounter with Lucas. If she was going to give into those feelings it was going to be with someone who was very good at detaching himself from a situation and that was, of course, Chris Keller. Chris disappeared in the direction of her bedroom and Brooke reappeared with her shoes in her hand.

'Okay Blondie spill it. You so kissed didn't you,' Brooke said in a hushed whisper.

'Brooke,' Peyton growled.

'Oh and he used tongue too didn't he,' Brooke said with a wink,' Just when I thought we were done with kissing cigarettes and liquor bottles. Humph, was it good?'

'Yeah fucking fireworks,' was Peyton's response.

'Oh it was bad,' her face contorted sympathetically.

'No it was just emotional. I mean its still there but it is never happening again.'

'Just give him a chance to get better.'

'I don't know Brooke. I just need to focus on raising Dylan.'

'Babe I'm headed up to bed,' Chase announced coming into the room.

'Night girls,' Larry said as he headed to his room.

'I'm going to go talk to Chris,' Peyton said quietly.

'Yeah cause you two only talk,' Brooke snorted,' You're so lucky Rachel is okay with this or else you would be dead.'

'It's so weird. Who knew Chris and Lucas would trade places,' Peyton said quietly.

'Oh honey you and I both know that has yet to happen,' Brooke said playfully before skipping off to her room.

------------

She changed in her closet before crawling in to Chris's waiting arms. Ever since their lips had crossed two weeks ago there had been a tantalizing build up between the two of them. It was helping her keep her mind off of Lucas and his mind off of Rachel. This night was no different from them as their tongues clicked together in the darkness. Chris hands slowly explored Peyton's newly discovered upper body with delicate cautious fingers. Her hands ran through his hair as she tried not to tempt him past a make-out session in her bed. She kept her legs stationary as they paused between kisses whispering snippets about their day.

Tonight Chris's hands had a little more courage. Rachel had called him earlier in the evening worried she wouldn't be able to do well when she got out. Of course it bothered him but he tried to keep it to himself. Peyton would have normally stopped him but she was tingling from Lucas's rough intense massage of her body. She finally caved and allowed a leg to wrap around Chris. He admitted a groan before pulling away to study her.

'What's going on Barbie,' he asked.

'Nothing just trying to forget it all,' she whispered quietly.

'Yeah it's been a rough couple of years for us right,' he said nipping at her ear.

'Yeah but I just accepted it wasn't going to be easy a long time ago,' she said quietly.

Their lips met again and this time they both gave in. Peyton's kisses trailed about his neck and chest while Chris's fingers slowly worked their way down to her moist panties. He drank her lips in trying to build the courage to cross the line with her. In truth he could fall for Peyton but he also knew she was never going to get over Lucas. He had watched her date over the years and no one had come close to leaving half the mark that boy did. Their comfortable understanding of one another wasn't lifeless but it lacked a certain depth and intensity their other relationships held. There hadn't been many men who had made it as far as he was right now. So as Chris's fingers finally crawled underneath her panties to a panting heat his eyes locked with hers waiting for the signal to stop.

It never came. Instead her hips adjusted and her legs willingly spread, while she breathed a soft curse as his thumb and forefinger displayed their affections. He couldn't turn away from her the pleasure in her eyes so thoroughly enjoyable for him. He kissed her gently after each moan he elicited until her breath was ragged. He finally leaned in for the last kiss before closing his eyes to drift off to sleep. He was too satisfied with pleasing her to demand she do the same. It would've stayed that way if her hand hadn't gripped his erection firmly.

'Damn girl it's not a joystick,' he said with a slight chuckle.

'We are so not done,' she said gently massaging him. There was a lusty grin he could make out in the dim lighting as the cool latex rolled on his body.

'Peyton are you using me for my body,' he asked chuckling still.

'Yes,' she said before silencing him with a kiss.

Chris grunted allowing Peyton to take control of the situation. He honestly hadn't anticipated any of their philandering to ever progress this far. She straddled him and he stifled a gasp. She guided him into her tightness without even thinking about it. This wasn't a benefit it was gift he thought. He tried to speak but his tongue-tied utterances were barely audible as her groans filled the room. His slipped into a brief state of amnesia with his only focus on pleasing his mistress. He tried God he tried to wait it out but he saw stars far too quick for his liking.

'You done,' she whispered in a satisfied sigh.

'Yeah but your not,' he said panting.

She smiled mischievously down at him and he didn't even have to think about it. It was the thing he had missed most about his sex life with Rachel. He flipped her to her back and within second was buried in between her legs. Peyton hips squirmed wantonly as his head swiveled between her legs forcing her to cry out.

She moaned while she grabbed tufts of hair trying to push him deeper. Her heart clenched tightly as she considered Lucas's crushed face but she pushed the image into the back of her mind. His erection was recovering as she came hard and suddenly he was back inside her digging deep. It had been far too long for both of them. The wordless moans continued to fill the room they rocked back and forth.

'Damn Peyt you feel amazing,' Chris breathed as he felt himself about to come again.

She whimpered under the impact of each thrust until finally neither could take it anymore. They ended in a muted high pitch before Chris toppled forward on her. The lay making out for a moment longer before he finally extracted his limpness from her. He could barely move with his arms shaking like jello. She had rendered him useless for the night.

'Um excuse me nurse,' he said jokingly.

'Yeah,' she said rolling to her side. There bodies were glistening with sweat.

'What was that,' he asked quietly,' and may I have some more.'

They laughed a little.

'That was a stress release,' she said quietly.

'Hmm so you mean to tell me if I keep you stressed out during the day. Then I can get that at night,' Chris said pulling her close to him.

'I don't know let's not talk about it. Isn't Rachel coming home soon,' she said quietly.

'Yeah two weeks,' he said quietly.

'So let's not plan ahead,' she chuckled before snuggling into him.

She wrapped herself around him ignoring the fact that he was slightly aroused all over again by her lack of clothes. Chris stared down at the blonde curls cradled in her arms; her tanned shoulders snuggled closely to him. Her brow furrowed trying to figure out why she felt like he cheated on Lucas. She didn't owe him anything. Chris thoughts mirrored hers. Rachel had said he could sleep with whomever he wanted as long as they didn't have any diseases. However in the confines of their somewhat open relationship, did that include her friends? He was sure it didn't and he wasn't sure what it was going to mean for the two childhood friends.

Now what was he going to do.

------------

It truly was a good question.

What the fuck was he going to do?

Lucas stared at a naked Lindsey in awe that she was still in his arms after all these years. In a way, tonight he felt like he completely cheated on Peyton. It seemed that before it almost always felt like he was getting back at her or pretending but now, not so much. The rays of early dawn were slowly crossing over her backside and he watched as she slept peacefully in his arms. He couldn't remember the last time he was sober enough to really look at her. The weak sun rays revealed several fading bruises Jon had left as souvenirs on her back. Last night was intense as for once in several years he'd actually sought to please her with Peyton fresh on his brain. He'd awoken sometime in the middle of the night to a hangover and there she was asleep on his couch.

He'd felt guilty about the barriers he had put up between them for so long so he picked her up despite his pounding headache and brought her back to his room. She awoke programmed only to believe he'd done so so she could meet his demands. It had been his honest intention to let her sleep but he could see the desperation in her eyes to matter to him so he decided it was her turn for once to be pleased. She knew he wasn't thinking about her. He never was when they were together but the attention he gave her was addictive and for once it felt like he cared, almost. She laughed a little to herself as the sigh he emitted kindly reminded her of the other curly headed blonde woman. She decided that he was trying to apologize for the crap he had put her through over the years. He surprised her by pulling her close and letting her sleep soundly.

Lucas sighed and gently maneuvered himself out of the bed careful not to wake her. Had he really openly pushed her out the door on various occasions. He was going to shower, and make everyone breakfast. That is if he had breakfast. If he was going to get cleaned up for Dylan than he needed to start doing stuff around the house to keep himself distracted from the fact that Dylan's mother didn't want anything to do with him. He could vaguely remember but he was pretty sure he had kissed her last night. He had kissed her and she had kissed him back. He shivered as he made his way to his bathroom.

He let the shower run as he took in his bathroom. He hadn't really taken note of it at all. He had moved into this place with Lindsey after they got married. She had picked it out and had it furnished. He had simply written checks for her and retreated into the study. He stood in the shower washing himself. Her things were to the side neatly arranged with care while his were in disarray. How long had her stuff been in his bathroom, he thought. He let the water wash over him suddenly craving a cigar. He wasn't going to be able to smoke much with the kids around. He showered aimlessly wincing as the scratches in his back came in contact with the soap. He hadn't even known they were there. Were they always there he thought to himself or were they new because he actually done the right thing last night. He got out the shower and immediately stepped back in.

The bathroom was ridiculously cold and drafty. It suddenly occurred to him that Lindsey always had a sweater on when she was at his place. He winced it felt like December even though it was early May. He dried quickly and wrapped the towel about him. He lit a cigar on the way to the thermostat and almost choked on it when he read it. For some reason in his altered stated the air conditioning was set to a frigid 50 degrees. He scratched his head removing the cigar. He couldn't' even remember setting the temperature so low. If Peyton were here his ass would be toast. He had another woman in his bed, he had the air on and he probably didn't have enough food to feed Dylan for the day. He shuffled into the kitchen and opened up the dusty cabinets. With the exception of eating utensils and dishware his cupboards were practically empty. He opened the fridge to reveal nothing but take out boxes…suspicious smelling take-out boxes. What would he have given them anyways? He couldn't remember what he ate at that age. The clock read 8:30. Deb was supposed to be here at nine and he had nothing.

He caved and called Deb.

'Um hey Deb,' he said nervously.

'Hey honey you aren't canceling are you,' she said a little alarmed.

'Oh no its just I have nothing in my apartment for the boys to eat and I was wandering...'

'We are already at Whole Foods honey,' she said with a laugh.

'I'll pay you back for it when you get here,' he offered hastily.

'Its okay honey see you in a little while, bye,' she said before hanging up the phone.

He breathed a sigh of relief and then headed back to his bedroom. He could hear the shower as he entered and he felt bad that he had Lindsey trained to be gone when he was up. He sat down on the edge of his bed and looked at the pills on the end table. Was he going to do this the easy way or the hard way today, he thought.

---------------------

A/N: so this is the second update of the day for those of you who simply click on the arrow link.

Just think in about three chapters there is going to be some major LP action.


	12. the first day of the rest of your life

---------------------

Dylan followed his grandmother out the super market and into their waiting car. She had kindly instructed the boys to grab a basket and fill it with enough snacks and drinks to share while she picked out their breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They weren't necessarily used to this sort of food shopping however they could tell grandma was jittery. It was obvious he had no food in the house kind of like Uncle Chris. They waited while grandma loaded the car with the groceries talking gently to themselves.

'So is my dad really nice,' Dylan asked Jamie cautiously.

'Yeah he is pretty cool but sometimes he is really weird,' Jamie said thinking about his uncle,' I think its so cool he's your dad though. It makes a lot of sense.'

'Is it scary when he is weird,' Dylan asked nervously.

'Sometimes but I'm here. Don't worry Dyls, it'll be fine,' Jamie said to his cousin.

'Do you think my mom and dad are gong to get married,' he asked shyly. By this time grandma Deb had entered the car and was trying not to listen to the conversation.

'I don't know I mean do you want them too,' Dylan shrugged,' all I know is they used to go out in high school and now they don't.'

'My mom gets really sad when she's around him but its weird. Like I think he kissed her last night. They look at each other the way your mom and dad do,' Dylan said completely confused.

'Really that's cool and that's gross at the same time,' Jamie said laughing.

'Yeah I know cause your parents are always molesting each other,' Dylan said making a face.

'So are all our Aunts and Uncles,' Jamie said laughing.

'Do you think he is going to be around for Christmas or do you think he'll hate me by then,' Dylan asked again.

'Dyls if he hated you he wouldn't want you to come over today,' Jamie said,' he would made up some excuse until he hoped you forgot. That's what Janet Banks says her dad does.'

Deb listened to her grandchildren her heart breaking as they innocently dealt with their parent issues. She couldn't say how she really felt about Lucas and his drug problem. All she knew is that she had been there and if anyone was going to get to him right now, it was Dylan. Their car pulled up to Lucas's building the steps ascending it seeming to glisten in the morning light.

'Okay boys we are here,' she said sweetly interrupting them.

They both helped her with the groceries and grabbed their backpacks while the doorman held the door open for them smiling broadly at Dylan.

'I have a little present for you ,' the doorman said kindly.

He rummaged through the reception area before returning with a key. It had a New York Knicks emblem all over it and even had a basketball as a key chain.

'Cool,' the boys called.

'See you later Mr. Scott,' the man said tipping his hat to the little boy whose eyes seemed to be a hazel this morning.

Dylan's nervousness grew as he stepped into the elevator with his cousin and grandma. He didn't have too much homework but Jamie probably did because he always waited to the last minute to do his. They were one year apart but in the same grade. Peyton had somehow figured out her son was little bit smarter than the average child and pushed him a grade ahead. It wasn't really visible because both boys were rather tall for their age. People were always shocked to learn they were only fifth graders. Deb knocked on the door smiling down at her boys who were entirely too quiet all of a sudden.

'Oh hey boys,' Lindsey smiling face greeted them.

'Aunt Lindsey,' Jamie asked weirdly,' What are you doing here?'

'Oh just making sure your uncle doesn't hurt himself,' she said in a mischievous whisper.

'So Dylan are you anything of a drawer like your mom,' Lindsey said as the boys walked in through the door.

'Yeah I guess,' Dylan said shyly.

'He's like awesome. Everything I draw looks the same but everything you draw looks like real life,' Jamie interjected.

'Wait Jamie have you seen my dad's trophy room,' Dylan said as they passed through the hallways.

'No, not really. Is it cooler than my dad's,' Jamie said following him into the room. Dylan dragged him in the direction of the room dropping the bags of snacks they held in the hallway.

'Guys I'm in the kitchen,' Lucas's voice called.

'Yeah good luck with that,' Deb said sailing into the kitchen to put away the groceries.

'Hey Deb,' he said quietly.

He had switched to a cigarette from his early morning cigar and his eyes screamed sleep deprived. He certainly was a far cry from the innocent boy who'd once tried to help her with her drug problem. He looked older but healthy. He stood shirtless tying up a bag of garbage his nervousness evident in his shaking hands. Lindsey resumed wiping out a cabinet above the stove after exchanging a soft smile with Deb. He had asked her to help with the kitchen and then told her that he needed to talk to her sometime today. She knew what he was trying to say but for some reason she felt like she'd already forgiven him.

Deb placed the groceries on the counter before rounding the kitchen island to get a good look at him. In all he didn't look like the over-medication had taken a toll on his body and for that she was thankful. However his eyes shifted about skittishly as if he was ashamed and she reached out to him with compassionate arms.

'You're going to be just fine,' she said as he hugged her.

'Thanks Deb,' he said softly hugging her back.

'Now you do realize that your house is no longer your house anymore,' she said pulling away to put the groceries up.

'What do you mean?' he asked puzzled.

'It belongs to King Dylan and King James now,' she said with a wink.

He rolled his eyes,' They can't be that bad....Can they?'

'No they aren't bad at all. They are the sweetest pair of best friends I've ever met. They also are the most manipulative little rascals I know. If they want it, it's theirs, just cave. It'll save you a headache or something,' Deb said with a shrug.

'Well that can't be good,' Lucas thought aloud, ' I mean I'm not going to just let them live the life around me. You got to learn to work for stuff'

'Then you'll be the bad guy especially considering when Peyton or Naley says no, Brooke and Larry always say yes,' Deb said shrugging.

'Brooke spoils my kid rotten doesn't she,' Lucas said smiling at the thought of the spunky brunette. He frown faltered a little wondering how far her connection with Vega ran.

'Yeah she does. So what do you want to eat for breakfast ,' Deb said teasing him.

'Um actually I was going to cook,' he said a little sheepishly.

'Okay well the boys are congregating in your collectibles room. You'd better put that out before Peyton finds out or else your ass is going to be toast,' she said with a smile before leaving the room.

Lucas took several drags before putting his cigarette out in the ashtray. Lindsey wiped her forehead and took a deep pause before moving to exit the kitchen.

'Hey thanks I mean for everything. For being here,' he said quietly.

'Yeah...well I got to get some work done,' she answered coldly motioning to the door.

'Yeah,' he said nodding realizing that his apologies were far too late for her.

He called Dylan's name a little louder and was shocked when he heard both pairs of feet come crashing into the kitchen.

'Did you really use to hate Uncle Nate when you were little,' Dylan asked climbing into one of the bar stools facing the island.

'Can't speak to anyone...Say good morning, how are you,' Lucas said slightly amused. He popped a piece of gum in his mouth to keep himself occupied.

Today was going to a rough day because he had decided that remembering the first day with his son was the only medication for his internal wounds. Besides with Dan's death he had been less frequently popping pills and snorting lines of something that wasn't quite cocaine off of gold platters

'Good morning Uncle Lucas, answer the question,' Jamie piped up as the boys dove into a bag of chips.

Lucas reached over and grabbed the chips from them,' Morning fellas. When we were little your Uncle and I did not like each other. We weren't very nice to each other because your grandfather wasn't very nice to us.'

'Um can we have the chips back,' Dylan said his face scrunched up.

Lucas looked at him frowning. His eyes weren't blue today they were a hazel of sorts. Jamie smiled devilishly noticing his Uncle looking at his cousin's eyes.

'What's wrong Uncle Lucas? Breakfast isn't ready and we are starving,' Jamie said smiling while tapping his cousin.

They both gave him pouty looks which forced him virtually choked on the gum. Dylan was a dead-on impression of his mother while Jamie was the perfect cross between Nathan and Haley pouting at him. They were quite a pair.

'One the breakfast is almost done and two I thought your eyes were blue,' he said turning to tend to the stove again.

'His eyes have always been hazel where have you been,' Jamie said winking at Dylan.

Dylan couldn't help but laugh a little at his cousin's lie. His eyes changed color and if last night was any indication his father was going to have a rough time trying to figure out what color the really were. For a while. He probably win a good bet from Jamie as to exactly how long it would take his dad to figure that out.

'Oh you look like your mom,' Lucas said quietly not turning from the stove. He reached up to the pantry looking for plates not really sure where they were exactly. The boys took notice of his awkwardness around his own kitchen.

'You don't usually cook do you,' Dylan accused him.

'Nope,' Lucas said with a shrug,' In fact I don't know where the plates are.'

'God you are worse than Uncle Chris,' Jamie said with a scoff.

'No-uh at least we get real food with him, Uncle Chris gives us that nasty frozen food stuff and expects us to eat it,' Dylan said making a face.

'So how long have your mom and Uncle Chris been dating,' Lucas asked casually. He found the plates and loaded them with a breakfast of eggs, grits and bacon.

'Um they aren't, they are just like best friends. Uncle Chris is in love with Aunt Rachel,' Jamie said as Lucas slid two plates of breakfast in front of the boys.

The three of them looked curiously at the food. Lucas looking because he was proud he hadn't burnt it and Jamie and Dylan looking because they were shocked anyone besides their grandparents could cook. Jamie's hand dove into his pocket and handed his cousin ten dollars. Lucas frowned at the exchange.

'You guys had a bet,' he asked incredulously. Dylan flashed him a toothy smile and Jamie simply shrugged. The two immediately began shoveling food into their mouths as if the food would disappear.

'Uh yeah. But you can actually cook,' Dylan said his mouth full of food.

'Aunty P can't and we have to beg Aunt B to do it. My mom and Aunty R are never home long enough to cook something decent and neither is my Dad. Uncle Chase is clueless and is always burning something especially if Aunt B is around. They are always feeling each other up and its like gross. Uncle Chris is just too lazy to do anything at all without Aunty P threatening him half the time. That's why we love it when Grandma or Grandpa cooks,' Jamie said nearly finished with his plate of food.

'Grandpa Dan used to cook so much better than Grandpa Larry,' Dylan said quietly. Jamie nodded in agreement and the room fell silent.

'So what plans do you guys have for the day,' Lucas asked as they scraped their plates clean.

'Um we were wondering if you could play basketball with us after we finish our homework,' Dylan asked shyly.

'Well I did teach your old man how to play ball,' Lucas said with a grin and wink to Jamie.

'No freaking way,' the boys chorused and they once again fell into idle chatter.

It subsided as plates clattered into the sink and the boys raced off to do their homework. Lucas lit another cigarette as he tended to the dishes the feeling of domestication comforting him for while. He walked back into his room changing into some gym clothes. It was a little chilly out so taking the boys to the private gym would be the smarter choice then allowing them to play outside and catch a cold. He poked his head in the dining room to check on them. Jamie sat looking at Dylan like he was nuts while Dylan explained to him whatever it was he needed help with. How could she have let him miss this, he thought as he inhaled deeply on the cigarette. He walked away to the living room where Lindsey sat pouring over her work. He sat and watched her a while before she looked up at him questioningly. He shook his head silently and kissed her on the forehead. He was grateful for her and he didn't know how he was going to make it through the next couple of weeks without her but at the same time he knew he didn't love her. Not the way he loved Peyton.

He wondered to his study and fiddled with various fixtures on his desk. He couldn't believe how out of touch he was with everything. The boys clearly had their own lives and it seemed like his friends and family were more than willing to accommodate them. His ex-wife was wrapped in her work and just used to not dealing with him and he felt guilty for it. Then of course there was Peyton. She had told him he needed to earn Dylan's trust. He wanted not just his son's trust but hers too. He didn't care if the rest of the crew didn't love him only her. He realized why he had fallen prey to those drugs in the first place. He didn't want to feel like this alone, guilty and aching inside. He reached in his draw to rummage for his stash but the door to the study slid open.

'Hey you,' he said warmly as Dylan shuffled in.

'I'm done with my work,' he said with a shrug.

'Yeah,' he said his hand still on the bottle of prescription pills. He shoved them in his pocket before his son could see.

'So,' Dylan said shoving his hands in his pocket. He had on a band tee and jeans and his now green eyes were soaking everything in around him.

'Yeah about yesterday I'm really sorry,' he said cautiously hoping the little boy wouldn't explode.

'It's okay. I won't tell Uncle Nate,' Dylan said with a small smile.

'Nate would have my ass wouldn't he,' Lucas agreed with the nodding head,' So what school do you go to.'

'Buckley. Jamie and I are in the fifth grade together there,' Dylan said taking a seat in the chair across from his dad. Lucas rose from behind the desk to sit next to him so they could actually get some time to really talk.

'So what sports do you play?' he asked curiously.

'Well we have to play basketball it's like a given but I wish we could play lacrosse more. I like it. Its rough like football but with not so many injuries,' he said proudly.

'Well you don't have to play basketball. No one is going to make you,' Lucas said concerned that Dan may have influenced him at an early age.

'Yeah tell the kids at school that,' Dylan snorted,' So is it true. Mom and Aunt Hales said you were sick that's why mommy wasn't so quick to tell you about me. Is it true?'

'Yeah I have a little problem that I'm trying to fix,' Lucas admitted. It wasn't entirely true he knew Peyton had other reasons for not telling him right away about Dylan. But until he got to the bottom of them this would be fine for now.

Dylan looked at him weirdly,' Mommy told Uncle Chris you pop pills like they were candy and Uncle Nate got really upset and went out for a run.'

'After I broke up with your mom it hurt a lot. It was like losing my best friend and I didn't no how to deal with it,' Lucas started thumbing the prescription pills in his pocket, ' anyway my editor who is the lady in the other room said I should go see a therapist. I guess it was a good idea but in the end it wasn't. The lady didn't know what she was doing and gave me too many pills to take. That's when I got sick,' Lucas said trying not get into too many details.

'Is it like a drug problem,' Dylan asked knowing the answer but not wanting to really hear it.

'Well its hard because I need to take them to make me feel better but sometimes I don't know if I feel better or if I just don't want to feel better,' Lucas said startling himself with the revelation.

He had never really discussed with anyone why he hadn't stopped taking the pills. It was shocking how he had no problem opening up to this little boy or his mother. A fight he once had with Lindsey occurred to him. Maybe he just didn't want to open up to anyone but the people he truly loved.

Dylan looked at him critically trying to make up his mind about his father's response. He wasn't a dumb child by the least and he knew that his father was trying to explain something to him that was complicated. His little brow knotted in worry trying to solve the problem.

'Aunty B says you have to take them to fix your heart but mommy told Aunty B you have no excuse,' Dylan said finally.

'Your mom's right,' He said reaching over to ruffle his hair,' I don't have any more excuses, not anymore.'

'But does your heart hurt?,' Dylan asked gravely concerned.

'Yeah but I have to learn to get over not getting what I want when I want it,' Lucas said quietly. His heart at the moment was clenched knowing that his drug usage had probably destroyed all chances of Peyton ever wanting to be with him.

'But if you heart hurts then you should take your pills. Grandpa Dan's heart hurt and that's where he got the scar from on his chest,' Dylan said crossing his arms together. He was determined not to lose Lucas even if he didn't know him very well.

'I'm not going anywhere Dylan. Your mom is totally wrong. People don't always leave. Sometimes they come back and sometimes they stay forever. I'm going to be here forever okay,' he said looking determined to debunk that horrible theory of hers that was so clearly true.

His hatred for Dan was fighting the small bond growing between him and his son. He cringed inwardly every time one of the boys mentioned him as if everything was okay. How could she have been okay with _that_? It hurt painfully because she knew everything about him and Dan's relationship. It was a deep betrayal whose hot knife twisted deeper every time Dylan said his name.

'I'm going to get better Dylan I promise. Think of it like your mom put me on a giant time-out and the sooner I get better the more I get to hang out with you,' Lucas offered.

'Mom hates time-outs. She thinks they don't do anything but delay a tantrum. But I totally feel you,' he said quietly.

'You scared? I know I am,' Lucas said suddenly as the tension seemed to grow with the silence.

'Yeah I just don't want to become a Lifetime movie waiting to happen,' Dylan said cracking a smile.

Lucas laughed at his son's joke, it being truly funny. He clearly had been hanging out with Brooke Davis far too much for his own good.

'Let's go see if you cousin is even trying to do his homework,' Lucas said standing.

Dylan stood and gripped Lucas in a hug that shocked him a little.

'Thanks Dad that was fun. And don't worry I won't tell mom about it,' he said as he gripped his father tightly.

Lucas fought the tears from coming to his eyes. Dylan had just called him dad.

-----------

Dylan's day flew by in a flash. His father seemed to shift from mood swings of nervousness to complete ease like a pendulum. It was worse than the first day Dylan met Grandpa Dan. One minute Lucas was acting as if he would break the next they were best of friends and carefree. He overly worried over both boys causing them to become a little frustrated toward the end of the day. His dad's friend, Lindsey, was nice but short with all his questions and he began to wonder if they were girlfriend and boyfriend. She disappeared after they came back from basketball at the park. Basketball was when his dad was the most carefree. The boys had convinced him to let them play outdoors and his father seemed to lighten up at the prospect. It was a little weird watching him play ball with a cigarette tucked in his mouth but he moved with a grace and speed that suggested he had once been very good at the game they were playing.

Overall Dylan was completely satisfied that his father was a total complete drag. It felt good to know that both of his parents worried like crazy over him just like Jamie's did. His dad was something of a sore loser too, trying to cheat while they played Playstation games. Dylan found himself curled in his lap watching Sports Center when his mother called to check up on him around nine in the evening. Despite his best efforts Dylan still noticed Lucas straining to hear the conversation between Peyton and his son. Peyton asked how his day went and what he did her voice a little cooler than Dylan was used to. Dylan stole a sidelong glance that revealed his father listening closely to his conversation trying to hear his mother's voice. Finally, I love you's were exchanged, the conversation now ended and Dylan could have sworn he saw a stray tear fall down his father's face. Maybe his father's heart hurt more than he was willing to let on, worse than Grandpa Dan's.

'Dad,' Dylan asked several minutes after Jamie had excused himself.

'Yeah,' Lucas responded distantly.

'Does it hurt? your heart?,' Dylan asked worriedly.

'Everyday,' he whispered softly.

'Can I come to your place tomorrow,' Dylan asked wistfully.

'Sure let's see if Grandma Deb wants to bring you back over,' Lucas said rising.

'Grandma doesn't watch us on Sunday's. Uncle Chase and Aunt B do,' Dylan said with a smile.

'And you think I'm actually in shape to wrestle with your Aunt B over her time with you,' Lucas asked him a little mortified.

'What are you chicken Uncle Luc,' Jamie asked walking back into the room.

'Have you ever tried taking something from your Aunt B when she didn't want to give it up. I tried it once with a chicken leg at a barbeque. I think I still have bruises,' Lucas deadpanned.

The boys laughed at his seriousness. He wasn't lying if Aunt Brooke didn't want to share her time with them then it wasn't happening.

'I hope I get to see you more often Dad,' Dylan said.

'Boys let's get your stuff together. Grandma needs to get ready for her night out,' Deb said sailing into the room.

Lucas smiled as the boys lazily shuffled to get their things and then paused.

'Wait if we leave some of our stuff here then we have to come back,' Dylan's voice sounded through the hall.

'Dylan your brilliant,' Jamie called back,' let's just leave it all.'

Lucas smiled at their little plot his eye catching his favorite photo of him and Peyton. Her smile as if her entire world was now complete was what he dreamed of. Dylan and Jamie returned to the room barely clothed and ready to go home.

'Bye Uncle Lucas see ya tomorrow,' Jamie said giving him a hug before heading to the door.

'Bye Dad,' Dylan said his hug lasting a little longer.

'So maybe tomorrow we'll go furniture shopping for your room,' he said ruffling the little boy's hair.

'Awesome,' Dylan said.

'See you later Lucas,' Deb called as he herded the two out the door.

The door closed and he was left to his thoughts. Lindsey didn't bother to call or return that night. He sat alone in his room and fought the urge to demand she come home to him. He had no right; he lost that when he signed the divorce papers. He sighed as realized how much he had taken for granted with those around him. Maybe just two pills tonight before bed.

He awoke later that night to her body sagging on her side of the bed.

'Where were you I was worried,' he asked sitting up sharply.

'Just getting my apartment ready for my move,' she said quietly.

'You're moving,' he asked his voice quiet.

'Yeah I got a promotion and I'm going to be moving out to the LA office,' she said puzzled that he even cared.

'When were you going to tell me,' he exploded.

'Because I answer to you right...Oh yeah I forgot you're just pissed because nobody is going to be around to give you everything you want like a common whore. You don't even pay me,' she snapped standing to leave, 'I don't know why I came back.'

'I need you,' he croaked knowing it was far to late to apologize to her.

'But I don't need you,' she shouted,' you are just no good for me and it's time for me to move on. I thought that I couldn't cause I was so in love with you. I didn't care how much of you I got but now knowing you have a child and seeing how happy you are about it. I mean you've bounced around here for two weeks happier than I have seen you in a long time and I can't help but think that you would have never done that if the baby were been mine.'

She was right. He knew she was but she was so wrong on so many levels.

'Lindsey if we had kids I would have taken care of them and loved them just the same as I do Dylan. God I barely know him and I feel like I owe him the world. I would have done the same for our kids. Please don't go.'

'Would you have done that Lucas for all three of our kids? Would you have taken the time to sacrifice and raise them so caringly? Or would you have seen them as three more road blocks in the way between you and your precious Peyton.'

'Lindsey we agreed a long time ago that there wasn't any love between us. Why are you so upset we didn't have any kids,' Lucas said standing from the bed to block her from the door.

'We did,' she said simply before leaving him in the room.

Wait was she serious. He raked a hand through his hair and grabbed the glass of water on his nightstand. She was fucking lying she had to be.

'Lindsey,' he thundered down the hall as she hurriedly gathered her things to leave. She was rushing but not quick enough.

'What are you talking about we did,' he said turning her by her shoulders to face him.

'I thought you wouldn't want my kids. I couldn't bring children in the world and know that their father might slip off the deep end if he lost all hope of getting the love of his life back,' she spat brutally.

He could barely process her words. Peyton's words echoed in his head _'Don't you have something to live for.'_

'You got rid of my kids without telling me,' he whispered coldly.

'You didn't want them anyways. Admit it. You didn't want them because they weren't her children,' Lindsey said thrusting her finger in his face.

He slammed his hand against the wall after each syllable as he spoke.

'You got rid of my children without telling me! Or asking me! Bitch are you fucking crazy!'

Lindsey squirmed and winced as his hand landed against the wall. Each syllable broke her a little more. Maybe that's why she kept on coming back to him because she felt guilty for lying to him.

'Just admit the truth. I know I am not crazy and how dare you call me a bitch,' she demanded. He wasn't the only person in this house with a temper.

'I took care of you when you didn't want to be taken care of. I came over here and made sure you were coherent for important meetings and fought for book deals and movie rights. I still do it! And for what? For a guy who would never learn to love me the way I loved him because he was too hung up in the past to see something decent right in front of him.'

'You left me Lindsey,' Lucas glowered at her, furious she was using his career against him.

'That's because you said _her_ name for a whole year. You called me Peyton after we made love although it wasn't love when you weren't stoned now was it. It was just sex for you. You didn't even know it until I said something about it,' she was crying, dramatically choking over her words now.

'Lindsey I am sorry I am,' he said drawing her close. Of course he felt bad. He had trampled her self-esteem in a lame effort to build his.

'It's too late for that. I need to learn how to make myself happy and the first way to do that is to get away from you,' she said pulling away to make her way for the door.

'I didn't want to be this person,' he said grabbing her arm trying to explain.

'But you are and if you don't change she won't come back and neither will he,' Lindsey whispered before giving him a graceful kiss on his forehead. He was mess she had tried to clean up for years but in three weeks she had realized only one woman was capable of that.

'I don't... I don't know how I can do this without you,' he whimpered. He wasn't ready to give her up. He needed, no he craved her attentions to him.

'You'll manage,' she said. She didn't mean for it to sound as coldly as it did but she was glad for it. It showed she had some backbone and she could walk away if she had to.

He stepped forward trying to convince her to stay. To appeal to her like she had done to him so many times over the years.

'Don't go,' his voice was intense and husky.

He watched as her body shuttered a little from his touch. His fingers caressed the side of her face cupping it gently as if he actually cared. She pulled away upset that he would even bother to try with her.

'Lucas we both know I'm not her so why don't you just let me go,' she said quietly.

'I'm not ready to let you go,' he said quietly his lips hovering close to her ears as he pinned her up against the wall. She looked away trying to avoid his eyes but his fingers caught her chin. She looked into the glossy glazed eyes and laughed.

'Of course. You're toasted,' she said her tears starting to fall.

He ignored the comment covering her lips selfishly not willing to accept that she didn't need him anymore.

'Just once more,' he said as she allowed his fingers to explore her for a final time.

It wasn't as if she wasn't addicted to him, to his touch, in some sort of mindless fashion. Her resolve faltered. She was so close to letting go of him for good but his attention to her pulse points stopped her and she sunk into his demands ashamed she wasn't stronger.

Lucas kept himself busy with Lindsey entangled in his grip as he backed her away from the front door of his home and towards his bedroom. There was a time in his life for about a year that he truly believed he loved her. Of course he was growing increasingly bitter about his failed relationship with Peyton but that truth was only revealed in therapy sessions without the aide of anti-depressants. However outside of that, he had Lindsey and he was attentive and caring and things were getting better for him outside of the deep revelations he allowed himself in therapy.

They were walking the city streets in the summer one night. She was quietly chatting about a book he was writing and he had stopped at a newsstand for some cigarettes, a habit he had just picked up. He was paying for it when the magazine plastered on the side of the stand caught his attention. She stood in all white, her hand on her hip, her body caved forward in a gorgeous open-mouthed laughter. It was her eyes that eventually drove him insane despite the smile plastered on her face. The green eyes that he knew could sparkle like a winter Sunday morning were hollow as if the only reason for her laugh was a crude joke she needed to laugh at. Her curls were now loose waves, the hair still the perfect sun-kissed blonde he remembered. Lindsey continued to ramble about the particular epistemology of a particular word choice while he handed the man in the stand the extra six dollars for the magazine. Lindsey barely noticed as he tucked the magazine away. His attention completely drawn to the beautiful woman with the caption underneath was finally his undoing. _'Peyton Sawyer: Our Generation's Saving Grace'._

A Rolling Stone cover was a fete to headline and there she stood _his_ Peyton proudly garnishing her angel wings. That night as he and Lindsey lay in bed after a fruitless effort to become one, he finally admitted the truth with a sigh.

Forever was a very long time.

-------------------------------

2 more chapies to LP action….you should be excited I know I was when I wrote it. Below are some teasers that you should thank RJMoon's review for....reviews from you = teasers from me....yes it is that easy.

**RJMoon:** I'm glad I was able to elecit a reaction from you but as concerns to Karen and Lily….If they could heal him now then they would have been able to get through to him before. I think though what I may have failed to stress is that for the Lucas I have created, home is where Peyton is and the only way he can get there is through a solid relationship with Dylan.

Brooke is quiet and I think its because she's decided to stay out of this situation.I my add a flashback to show how active she was initially of the story allows. At this point in their lives Brooke is a secondary character with a very busy life. I am thinking of doing a sequel to this story that involves her a little more. Trust me I have a really good idea but I'm not sure if I have time to execute it.

Chris and Peyton's actions will be explained later but probably in a way you might not agree with.

I can guarantee you the person who is hurt the most by Lucas is Haley and she will be the deciding factor between Lucas and Peyton getting back together. Neither Lucas or Peyton or Haley recognize this.


	13. The Empty Deck

- one week later -

Peyton waited with antsy anticipation for Chris to open the door. She was in that place where the alcohol had finally filled her and blurred her imagination. She could only feel. Feel the fingers that brushed her chest, feel the way his words filled her. It was that time of night when she began to wonder how much longer till daybreak and she stood in awe of the fact that the night could be so long even though she'd never really lived through it. She had been taught to close her eyes to this other world and when they opened it would be a day again because this was the designated time to sleep. The thoughts made no sense as they rushed through her and she could feel the heady pulse through her veins and against her thighs. She wanted Chris. She didn't care about his feelings or her feelings or anyone else's feelings. It didn't help that Chris's hands kept wondering up her dress as he took advantage of the new found territory between her legs. They should have been inside twenty minutes ago but the back of the car proved to be a very capable location. It was short and quick with a lot of heavy breathing and stifled moaning. Her driver, of course, was not present and had parked the car in the garage beneath the building.

Even after it was done, Chris thrust his fingers between her legs with a sure confidence. There was something about watching her mouth work wordlessly as he stroked her that turned him on completely. He could do this. He could live here. Settling for Peyton wouldn't be such a bad idea.

In the end it took all of Peyton's strength to crawl out of the car and to the private elevators. She wanted more. She wanted to be on her back with him moving slowly inside her. She didn't care if it was real or fake or if it was love or lust, she just wanted to feel him. They alternated between clumsy groping and really bad jokes in the elevator as it slowly climbed to her home. Her shoulders were so tense from the weight of her child's decision. She struggled with the idea that Dylan _wanted_ to see Lucas, a lot.

The rattling keys hit the floor again and Chris let out that boisterous laugh that meant nothing at all as she reached for them again. He movements echoed in her mind as if she'd done this so many times before.

They entered her apartment laughing hysterically, hushing each other pathetically as to not wake her boys, who were probably worn out from their day with Lucas.

Neither expected what they saw.

Rachel was passed out on the couch in sweats and a tank with Lucas in the near chair doing much of the same. Her intentions were magnified in that moment. She would have walked right past the living area if Rachel weren't there. She looked at the two people she'd known her whole life. Ten years was a long time. They had done a lot of living in ten years and here she would have given away everything she built to put a band-aid on an ache that Chris would never be able to heal. The worst part was she didn't care that Lucas was in her home. It was Rachel thought made her realize she was wrong.

Chris was staring at her waiting for her to acknowledge him. She smiled gently at Chris nodding him in Rachel's direction. He looked at her in a way that reminded her all too well of the other man asleep in the room. She looked around. Her father was away on a trip and Deb probably was out socializing. It made sense that Lucas was there making sure not to leave the boys in the apartment until she got home. She wasn't sure where Rachel came into the picture but she was definitely jealous as she watched Chris kneel next to her on the couch. He stroked her forehead and Peyton couldn't help but wonder when her turn would be. When would a guy come along and love her whole-heartedly without being so flawed she didn't have the heart to fix him. Chris picked Rachel up and mouthed to her a gentle 'Thank You' before heading to Rachel's room. She couldn't be angry she wanted to hold onto the frustration and jealously but she couldn't. Peyton thought about waking up Lucas but then decided against it. They'd just bicker as they had been all week. She sauntered into her office looking for a post it.

'Let yourself out' she scrawled before sticking it to his forehead. He was beat she could tell but she was in no way shape or form going to allow him to dominate her time anymore.

The days waned on with Lucas and Dylan growing together. There were moments when Lucas found himself reliving his childhood through Dylan's eyes. The thrill of jumping in a rain filled puddle, the rush of wind in his face when he raced his best friend. The smarting pride that enveloped you when someone put you down in a really mean way. Dylan and Jamie spent most of their free time with Lucas, which Rachel and Brooke seemed to appreciate more. He didn't think it was because they actually cared as much as it was because they didn't have to put up with the extra burden anymore. Haley of course threw a royal rock star tantrum but in the end had to concede to Nathan's reasoning. Nathan was the one that tried. Lucas and he would take the boys for father/son time when Nate was free. It was a silent bonding time that Dylan would later look back and recall as his good days. Two on two with his father and uncle on a basketball court. He wouldn't be able to recall too much of his mother from the time. He knew she was there, she had always been. Truth was they were all busy and Lucas was free. Larry and Deb couldn't do everything with them. Karen and Lily lived in Tree Hill so it wasn't fair to expect them to be more than what they could. Then of course Dylan remembered the bad days.

There were good days when the thought of Dylan's laughter or one of Jamie's schemes was enough to help Lucas put those tiny white pills down. He'd see the children's faces glowing and flushed with the brilliance of their youth and the small pill bottle was long forgotten.

Then there were bad days. Days when Peyton would simply look right through him and he would feel utterly useless. The memories of not being the man he'd sworn to be and he would be lost. So lost he could barely breath until he could find that stupid little bottle. Those were the days he sniffed before he popped. Those were hard days.

Deb tried to reach out to him but it was hard not keep his temper in check. Dylan would try to cheer his father's spirits but often was yelled at. Their screaming matches were notorious usually ending up with Dylan trying to leave the house unsupervised. That scared him as his fatherly instincts and drug-induced paranoia took over looking for his son. His body would lurch down the street and in and out of subway stations until he had reached every park and ratty music venue in the 20-block radius. And of course Dylan was difficult never going to the same place twice. He'd find him sitting on a bar stool and the nearest concert venue staring at the stage or sitting on the steps at the local college. His heart would lurch at the broken picture in front of him. Curly mops of hair and runny blue eyes crying into hands to small to do the world enough good. The image would burn him and then he'd hug him close before the child's nasty temper got the better of him. He couldn't remember how many times he'd hear the phrase _'I just want you to be better'._

Peyton didn't know about all that but Brooke discovered it once when her godson showed up to her offices unannounced and disheveled. Brooke called him making him sputter out an unclear disoriented response. In the interim he had decided that he'd finally lost Dylan for good and his ex was going to kill him so he'd try to beat her to it. His hospital visit that followed only highlighted his issues.

When he opened his eyes to the bone colored lights and the hygienic smell of reality he was surprised that is was a shock of red hair standing over him.

"What the fuck are you doing Lucas, " Rachel snapped.

"Fuck off," he grumbled.

"No you fuck off. Do you have any idea how bad this looks," Rachel hissed.

He could only groan as his stomach and head ached to the same rhythm.

"She leaving New York because of this," Rachel said looking down at him sadly.

"She can't do that," he replied.

The words felt like sand scraping the roof of his mouth.

"You've just had a mild heart attack"

"Well shit," Lucas mumbled.

"She can use this against you in court. Haley is trying to convince her to revoke your visitation rights to Dylan," she sighed.

That caught his attention. He struggled to sit and Rachel came to his side instantly helping him up. They stared at each other for a long moment before she shook her head and moved to the door.

"Get you shit together Lucas. This is crazy."

Then she was gone.

He could feel everything closing in so quickly like a flood of dark water and he realized here and now that he could search for that stupid bottle anymore. He was in the pit and the water was rushing in and some would let it drown them out but he knew his son expected him to fight. He couldn't reach out for Lindsey because she was safely tucked away in California. There were no other ways to hide. He had to swim through this flood of pain and bruised hurts to find his way out. His face was itchy and as he scratched the annoyance away he felt the salted water against his fingertips and that's when he became certain something had to give.

He imagined his struggle was much like an Olympian in his final race. He had to push harder breath quicker. He couldn't settle for second best because there wouldn't be another chance after this. There were some mornings when he needed a pill just to be stable enough to take a shower. He wanted the mother of his child bad. He wanted to talk to her, to hold her, to make love to her. He couldn't even get a decent wave to her without feeling insignificant. Vega brought a girl by once. She was pretty, curly auburn hair, perfect ass. The lines of whatever it was he was sniffing didn't budge as he sniffed it off her stomach. She was wet from him using her body to get his fix before she let him touch her. That's all he did. He watched her wriggle and scream curses in another language her body captivating him. He paid her and then fifteen minutes later he was in his shower trying to imagine Peyton there with him. That girl just wasn't _her _and he didn't know how to even pretend with this one. Besides who knew what she had. The thought crossed his mind in neon colors and he frantically scrubbed his fingers raw in rabid paranoia.

Thanksgiving proved the most difficult. Lindsey came over and he was somewhat glad to see her. Her smile faltered as she saw some of Dylan's things now scattered across the apartment. They ate Chinese take-out and talked about her new job and a movie he was shooting in January. Nothing serious. She was shocked when he didn't try to touch her. She watched him warily unsure whether to leave or stay. They eventually fell asleep on the couch together. He wasn't high that day but she thought maybe he should've been. It was clear he'd wished he'd been invited by Peyton to spend the day with Dylan. She left the next day marveling in the new uncertain change of her ex-husband. She decided she wouldn't be back. It hurt too much to see him doing better without her.

Two weeks later Haley called and awkwardly told him that she wanted him to join them in Tree Hill for Christmas. He was certain that Nathan was standing behind making faces as she forced the words from her mouth. Nathan ha made it clear he wasn't happy that Lucas had been excluded from Thanksgiving and as far he was concerned that would be the end of those practices. He tried to be nonchalant on the phone as they made plans for him to arrive. He was ecstatic to spend the winter break with his son. Dylan was the one thing he could think to live for.

I haven't died but I do have a life. Eventually I will finish this story as it is on my to do list. Right up there with finding a decent boyfriend and moving out of my parents house. Enjoy.


End file.
